Front: The greatest truths are the simplest; and so are the greatest men. Lucky Numbers: 12, 33, 4, 28, 47, 9
Back: LEARN CHINESE - Store, Shang-dian
Mom: So how often does the Nassau Weekly come out, again, sweetheart?
Nassau Weekly writer: Weekly, Mom.
Mom: Oh, of course. (Long pause.) Why don't you write for the Daily Princetonian?
Theta 1: The other night, he made me touch his chest hole.
Theta 2: Yeah, he made me put my whole head inside it once.
Professor Corngold: Hazlitt said that no young man thinks he will ever die... well, we’ll see.
Reporter, on phone: How would your mom sext? How would your grandma sext? Are they sexting?
Hungover sophomore male: I just smelled my hand and it indicated to me that I did not stop smoking.
Cap member: I've been thinking a lot about how cap has this reputation for being chill but actually what it means is that people try really hard to construct their chillness... there are a lot of cool and chill people in my year but some of them are such tryhards.
Theta senior: Great, I spilled soup all over my $200 dress. I guess it's fine, I have to change before sailing practice anyway.
Jewish freshman, wearing Christmas sweater: I don’t even go out really. The only reason I’m getting a fake is because tapings of my favorite NPR show are 21 and over.
Aspiring journalist: Hi, I’m a reporter for the Prince and I’m writing an article about the protest. Could you give me some quotes?
Alt junior male, to sophomore boy: Hey, do you want to join my frat? It’s called sad boys.
Manic pixie dream boy: I can’t stop smiling around her. It’s really bad. I need to take a seat. Or seven seats.
Guy 1: Do I look like a bitch?
Guy 2: (quickly) Yes.
Guy 1: Well, then why do you gotta- wait. Oh.
Math bro: There’s a really cool undergraduate math colloquium tomorrow... but it’s at the same time as the Goldman quant info session. I’m being tested.
Grad student: I don’t get why no hot undergraduate twinks have hit on me. I thought twinks love daddies.
Dude 1: Do you watch “The OC”?
Dude 2: Dude, I’m from Orange County. I don’t need to watch the show- I live that shit.
Dude 1: So it’s really like that over there?
Dude 2: Yeah, except there’s more trannies.
Squash freshman: What’s your thesis on?
KA COS major, dismissively: You wouldn’t understand.
Brunette person: I’m working in Frist on Wednesday night and there are people coming back from the Street--blonde people.
Econ major, deep in the process of consulting recruitment, during Buddhism discussion: I don't think achieving Nirvana is in line with my long-term goals.
Unkind undergraduate: Her stomach is so immense that it doubles over into testicles.
Sorry but I haven’t looked at your papers yet because it didn’t fit into my plan of partying like a rockstar this weekend. I mean, you wouldn’t have wanted me to grade your papers while high on crack, would you?