Theta 1: Do you have a seersucker dress I can borrow?
Theta 2, nostalgically: My
Christian horseback-riding summer camp used to sell seersucker pajamas
Girl 1: There’s a fitness class called No Judgement Club?
Girl 2: It got cancelled.
Squash freshman: What’s your thesis on?
KA COS major, dismissively: You wouldn’t understand.
Asian girl, talking about date: We went to Tiger Noodles.
Asian guy: Did he like it?
Asian girl: He’s white, does it really matter?
Concerned citizen: You do irresponsible things that could get you arrested, like urinating on people.
TI sophomore: But that’s in TI, so it’s okay.
Social media editor: Hey, want to see this crazy bug bite on my ass?
Web editor: Sure.
Former web editor: I guess?
Social media editor: *lowers pants and underwear in the middle of rocky dhall*
Senior woman, to senior woman, on night out: He never texted me back...I was forced to make out with a lost Wiffenpoof instead.
Anonymous current student to anxious male prefrosh virgin: So it seems like, based off of my very sketchy calculations, you have around a 6% chance of getting laid, but given that most girls have a type and there is no saying if you fit that type, I’d bring that percentage down even lower to around 3%.
Australian girl trying to name American states: Montenegro...? Tahiti...? Chicago...?
Contemplative Junior Film Watcher: I don’t get uncomfortable watching sex scenes with my parents. After all, aren’t we all just sacks of jello with teeth?
AEPi sophomore, eagerly: I need to show you guys the cool new things I learned to do with my throat in Arabic class.
I went to special dinner with him last night at Rocky.
Yeah, if by ‘special dinner’ I mean a pie plate with a hole poked in it and his dick sticking through.
They just go on and on and ON about the sex - it’s fabulous!
Senior math major: Apparently everyone had herpes in the ‘60s, you just dealt with it.
Zete junior: Do you know what I’m really worried about? The pledges not knowing where each other’s nipples are.
Band member 1: I’d sell my soul for a thousand dolllars...Honestly, there’s very little I wouldn’t do.
Band member 2: Would you eat human?
Band member 1: I would eat deep-fried penis.
Junior Pi Phi: Have you ever drank so much red wine that you shit it out in pure form the next morning? Because I have.
Boy: Didn’t we make out at Ivy on Saturday?
Boy: Cool. See you around!
Neurotic Jew 1: I hear that Mel Gibson wants to make a movie about the Maccabees....
Neurotic Jew 2: That bastard.
Jilted junior, on phone: I don’t get it. Given my pedigree and background, I should have been admitted into the club!