Nass Staffer: Did anyone notice that since the Prince started printing in color they don’t write articles anymore?
Egregious douchebag grabbing bike and slamming it to the ground: Yeah! That's how I roll!
Preceptor, after delivering a lengthy explanation: So... is that clear?
Sophomore snake: Not at all, but I know you're trying your best.
Unrequited lover: His brow protrudes such an appropriate amount he has a really striking quarter profile also I’m texting this from the bathroom I wonder how he would feel if he knew I’d thought about him while pooping
Wholesome sophomore laying on checkered blanket, as man in floral print and beads staggers away: OH! He's coming from Sunday Funday. I thought he was just playing Pokémon Go!
Do computers suck because they’re guys, or do guys suck because they’re computers?
PFA member: Easter is Sunday Funday and 4/20 day. It’s pretty bad.
PFA member 2: Pick your poison...or your salvation.
BodyHype Senior: I have this friend who can look at a girl and know if she shaves her pubes. He calls it his furdar.
Girl on the phone inside her room: I honestly don't know – Mom has the prescription. All I know is it takes away my periods and makes my boobs smaller.
Caricature of a man: I got really into music once I learned how piracy worked.
Soon after, same man, dripping in hubris: I feel like I should have a whole page in Verbatim.
Ditzy Chick #1: Why're you sitting in the shade?
Ditzy Chick #2: It's not shade, asshole, the the sun is covered by clouds.
Ditzy Chick #1: Oh, sorry.
Ditzy Chick #2: I love it when it's sunny outside. Just not right now.
(Pike looks downcast.)
Kappa: Hey, what's wrong?
Pike: I'm just really depressed right now.
Kappa: Really? Why?
Pike: Well, I just found out that the Lacoste alligator is actually a crocodile.
Junior WASP: So I just discovered falafel...I didn’t know how to spell it. I thought it started with a “ph.”
jewish guy 1: dude there are so many hot girls i want to have sex with here
jewish guy 2: i just want to have sex with the club
jewish guy 3: well, jewish guy 2, if you had a drill you could make hole in the floor over there and go at it
Ivy upperclassman hugging
new member in tears: You
finally belong now! For the first
time, you finally belong now!
Boy: I don’t like to snowboard and act like I’m black. I like to ski and be white.
Professor who brought candy for his class: At this point in the semester, an IV of crack is a better idea.
Girl: I've heard it's kind of weird
after you jerk off...you pee kinda
Boy: Oh yeah, that's because
there's extra residue of jizz in there
that's get sticky and clogged up
a bit, unless you've gotten completely
sucked off. Then the pipes
Boy: Oh, I love my pipes clean!