Visiting student: These girls are too dece. I can’t get with any of them! They’re just not grimy enough!
Guy 1: I’m taking my girlfriend camping in Colorado.
Guy 2: One sleeping bag?
Guy 1: Oh yeah.
Shrieking sophomore girl: I need to think about this, and I need to think about this HARD… *thinks* … I don’t think I should go for him.
Uninterested friend: I mean, doesn’t he have a girlfriend?
BodyHype Newbie: (takes off shirt)
BodyHype Bro: I’ve seen that body on Grindr before.
Professor: This theory is fundamentally wrong, but it works beautifully.
Student: That’s how I feel about Kanye West.
Man: They would always make fun of me for being a hipster. But I'm not. I just used to be.
Girl: Would you hook up with a girl whoʼs pro-life?
Guy: Yeah, Iʼd hate fuck the shit out of her.
Guy 2: And make her keep it!
Drunk junior girl: I know enough Spanish to tell my maid that she put my clothes in the wrong drawer.
Publisher 1: Looks like Joyce needs to get a little bit thinner!
Theta 1 (on phone): Tell him to make a roadie and meet us.
Theta 2 (to herself): A roadie to go..
Wealthy black '18 alumna: I'm definitely a fauxgressive... I want to live in a white neighborhood and bring down their property values.
Pimply boy: I think I’d eat anyone’s poop if they were hot enough.
Journalist 1: It’s spelled GRAY.
Journalist 2: I will only ever use GREY bc I know it primarily as a horse color & Pony Club spells it that way.
Male student 1, admiring window: That is the sickest room.
Male student 2: That is rad. I bet they just play cards and drink a sick amount of wine.
California Jew, to white male: You gotta go get some cracker pussy!
Southern belle: [looks shocked]
California Jew, to belle: What, did that offend you?
Southern belle (horrified): We're at a country club!
Aesthete, on middle school dances: If you’re already rubbing your genitals against someone’s ass, you might as well do it with fervor.
Bro, to tune of "Game of Thrones" theme: Weiners, weiners weiners, weiners weiners, weiners weiners, weiners weiners.
Student, to visitors, gesturing grandly at driveway: I know the area intimately.