Professor, on the elections: I think last night I probably ate the equivalent of 10,000 calories.
Manic freshman girl: I just have nothing to concentrate on, so I just concentrate on dumb stuff. Like marrying Rob. You know? Just dumb stuff.
Girl wearing a big gold cross: “Big news. I’m dating the French guy in my class.”
Friend: “The annoying one?”
Girl: “No, the other one. We talked so much about the Bible.”
WASP scion: “I’m very open-minded. I hung out with all kinds of fraternities at school.”
Professor: insanity is the window toward knowledge… 80% of people are suggestible to hypnosis, 20% are egotists with ego-mania. Which are you and which am I?
Squash freshman: What’s your thesis on?
KA COS major, dismissively: You wouldn’t understand.
I am African American. I realize I probably look white and Jewish to most of you... There was some fooling around back there in the slave age.
Hot senior, again: What did that mean? Was that like a PewDiePie quote or something?
Male student: I just realized that when I tell a female friend i want to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend, what I really mean is I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pi Phi Senior: It was a mediocre sexual experience with a bald man and I paid $100 for it.
Black-clad Sophomore: Why do we have novels if not to check the validity of our critical theory?
Aggrieved musician: His excuse that this is for charity is such neoliberal bullshit.
Fashionable male: I don’t understand why everyone hates pretension. I love pretension.
Retrospective female: I used to use Tinder as a way of exploring the restaurants around here.