Overheard in Wilson

Job creator: Should we just hire another cleaning lady?

Overheard on Poe Field

Nass publisher: I like to think of the Nass as a less sexy Playboy.

Overheard at a Nassau Weekly layout session

Nass Staffer: Did anyone notice that since the Prince started printing in color they don’t write articles anymore?

Professor Amy Borovoy, ANT 390

See you on Thursday for our cockfight.

Overheard by the bike rack

Egregious douchebag grabbing bike and slamming it to the ground: Yeah! That's how I roll!

Overheard in a finance class precept

Preceptor, after delivering a lengthy explanation: So... is that clear?
Sophomore snake: Not at all, but I know you're trying your best.

14 

Overheard in a text conversation during writing seminar

Unrequited lover: His brow protrudes such an appropriate amount he has a really striking quarter profile also I’m texting this from the bathroom I wonder how he would feel if he knew I’d thought about him while pooping

Overheard on Poe Field

Wholesome sophomore laying on checkered blanket, as man in floral print and beads staggers away: OH! He's coming from Sunday Funday. I thought he was just playing Pokémon Go!

Overheard in the E-Quad

Do computers suck because they’re guys, or do guys suck because they’re computers?

Overheard in Frist

PFA member: Easter is Sunday Funday and 4/20 day. It’s pretty bad.
PFA member 2: Pick your poison...or your salvation.

Overheard in Campus Club

Eager frosh: Is this where all the hipsters hang out?

Overheard in the CJL

BodyHype Senior: I have this friend who can look at a girl and know if she shaves her pubes. He calls it his furdar.

Overheard in the Forbes Annex

Girl on the phone inside her room: I honestly don't know – Mom has the prescription. All I know is it takes away my periods and makes my boobs smaller.

Oveheard at Terrace

Caricature of a man: I got really into music once I learned how piracy worked.
Soon after, same man, dripping in hubris: I feel like I should have a whole page in Verbatim.

Overheard in Frist

Leftist Jew, to Nass meeting: Do people here even watch TV?

Overheard in the Mathey Courtyard on a Sunny Day

Ditzy Chick #1: Why're you sitting in the shade?
Ditzy Chick #2: It's not shade, asshole, the the sun is covered by clouds.
Ditzy Chick #1: Oh, sorry.
Ditzy Chick #2: I love it when it's sunny outside. Just not right now.

Overheard at Ivy

(Pike looks downcast.)
Kappa: Hey, what's wrong?
Pike: I'm just really depressed right now.
Kappa: Really? Why?
Pike: Well, I just found out that the Lacoste alligator is actually a crocodile.

Overheard at Nass meeting

Junior WASP: So I just discovered falafel...I didn’t know how to spell it. I thought it started with a “ph.”

Overheard Pyne

Worldly frosh, dismissively: I can’t even remember when I got my first pass.

Overheard at ivy club during initiations

jewish guy 1: dude there are so many hot girls i want to have sex with here
jewish guy 2: i just want to have sex with the club
jewish guy 3: well, jewish guy 2, if you had a drill you could make hole in the floor over there and go at it

Overheard in Brown courtyard:

Ivy upperclassman hugging
new member in tears: You
finally belong now! For the first
time, you finally belong now!

Overheard in Butler Basement:

Boy: I don’t like to snowboard and act like I’m black. I like to ski and be white.

Overheard in Aaron Burr Hall

Professor who brought candy for his class: At this point in the semester, an IV of crack is a better idea.

Overheard in Little Hall

Girl: I've heard it's kind of weird
after you jerk off...you pee kinda
funny.
Boy: Oh yeah, that's because
there's extra residue of jizz in there
that's get sticky and clogged up
a bit, unless you've gotten completely
sucked off. Then the pipes
are clean.
[Uncomfortable pause]
Boy: Oh, I love my pipes clean!

Overheard in Whole Foods

Woman, running after children: Shaughnessy! Hanson!!