Overheard in Frist before a Nass meeting

Plaid-wearing senior: I don't like the furnishings in this room. The feng shui is fucked up.

Overheard in Frist

Stressed-out sophomore: I'll be honest, I think I probably have a solid cry about once a month. Usually in the shower. Put on some sad music and just go for it. That way I'm not wasting time. I mean, we all have to shower.

15 

Overheard in Frist basement

Senior, on job recruiting: I think I'll go to a theological seminary. I just feel closer to God through this process.

Overheard in Frist

Sophomore Pi Phi: I only have one Google alert, and it’s for Mindy Kaling.

Overheard outside Frist

Orange Key guide: Princeton Preview is a great chance to sleep with a student.

14 

Overheard behind Frist

First-year: I am a tall, white man of privilege—they won’t hit me. I am the most expensive thing in the parking lot.

Overheard by Frist

Junior Pi Phi: I am so fed up with everyone on this campus who calls themselves a communist and isn't.

Overheard in Frist

Texan: Dude, I love the Jews. That's what Princeton has taught me.

Overheard in Frist

Male Managing Editor: I've never checked a book out of Firestone.
Me: Oh, really?
Managing Editor: Yeah, I actually don't know how and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.

Overheard in Frist

Jewish Nass editor: *leans in and rests head on other Jewish Nass editor's shoulder*
You smell like a synagogue.

Overheard in Frist classroom

BodyHype senior: Pregnancy is more than just a stomach.
Later: I want to balance a bowl of cereal on my stomach.
Later: Surrogacy probably pays a lot of money. Maybe that's how I'll pay for grad school.

Overheard in Frist

Sophomore Pi Phi: Fuck, I love Hammurabi.

Overheard in Frist

Upper East Sider: I'm pretty sure my LinkedIn stalker is the CEO of Taco Bell.

Overheard in Frist

Sophomore boy: Took her to Mehek, ate out her fuckin’ asshole.

Overheard in Frist

White sorority woman: Can we go to Olives? I’m craving chicken salad. I’m really into mayonnaise this year.

Overheard in Frist

Nass sophomore: You text so many people.

Overheard outside Frist

WASP: My dad finally got a personal email. Now that it doesn’t have the CEO signature, I don’t even know if it’s him.

Overheard in Frist

After casino night, sophomore girl in front of honey mustard: Really, that’s your guys’ favorite position?
[Later] Same girl, earnestly: Do I have a nice butt to fuck from behind?

Overheard in Frist

Pi Phi, on phone: Oh, hello? Same Pi Phi: Oh...still ringing.

Overheard in Frist

Sophomore woman, gesturing to Pi Phi in Van Cleef necklace: Oh, are those the Pi Phi necklaces?

Overheard near Frist

Man, wearing Yeezy boots: I’m really feeling my Shia LaBeouf look right now.

Overheard in Frist

Male Priest: God always intended us to make computers...I firmly believe this, although the initial world he created was perfect.

Overheard in Frist

Offended student: “I thought you were coming over here to hug me, not go to the bathroom!”

Overheard in Frist at night

High half-Jewish frosh, looking at CJL t-shirt: Does this say “Jewish” in Hebrew or something?

Overheard by Frist mailboxes

Virgin, on mysterious item in box: It smells like the lubricant we used to lubricate our rifles with in high school.
Other virgin: Just your rifles???