Upset sophomore: The fact that they took Supervillain Island off of Poptropica is literally a hate crime
Smug Sophomore: I’m writing an essay for Creative Nonfiction about a mathematician’s relationship to chalkboards.
Newly Initiated TI Sophomore, on the phone: “I can’t wait to bring you. Dad, do you want to go out? Like to a party?”
Worried student to strangers: Have you seen a taller, older white man in pajama pants?
Overly conscious freshman: That’s not a guy name. Wait, names don’t have gender. I messed up!
Frosh to friend, describing problematic male: He just mansplains a lot. Friend: I kinda like that though.
Frosh to friend, preparing for their first Princetoween: Nooo, I don’t wanna be slutty Harry Potter!
Freshman washed-up girl: Yeah, I mean, I know he does Liars’ club, but he’s a good guy!
Freshman Tigression: Her birthday is tomorrow?! No way. She can’t be a pisces. That makes no sense. We have to do her chart.
SWUG heading to a thesis meeting: I am going to commit sudoku. Other SWUG: Sudoku? SWUG, late to thesis meeting: Seppuku.
Sophomore Guy 1: I’ve got to go to the EQuad to work on my EPICs project. Sophomore Guy 2: Ah what do you read for that, The Odyssey?
Girl discussing a suspected cheater: I just don’t understand how he can lie that well! He’s either a professional or he’s crazy. [beat] And I mean, his favorite movie is Beautiful Mind…
Manic freshman girl: I just have nothing to concentrate on, so I just concentrate on dumb stuff. Like marrying Rob. You know? Just dumb stuff.
Boy, walking away: It was nice meeting you! *No response; boy stops, comes back.* Boy: Oh, it wasn’t nice meeting me? Girl, with forced smile: It was nice meeting you!
Sophomore who doesn’t give a damn: I don’t know anything about his personality but I know so much about his dick.