Law enforcement aspirant: I’m bad at lying and I’m even worse at telling the truth
Student: Who else fujoshi-ing out over Bill Clinton and Donald Trump.
Girl on phone: Yeah the family is trying to keep it quiet! Who knows what would happen if it got out? … Yes, the triplets! … Yes, they are 12 siblings in total
Self-proclaimed Existentialist: Not to Jaden Smith right now, but can we talk about the political and economic state of the world?
Couple walking together near the Fleet Feet Store
Girl: Look Fleet feet!
Guy, seductively: mmmmmm, feeeeeet!
Girl: Do you wanna go in?
Guy: no…
Bisexual guy: All the guys are so boring, even the maoist. I need to go back to women.
Student who has been in the library all day: I feel like I need to do something for myself for a change.
Another student: What are you thinking?
Same tired student: Sleep.
Someone who doesn’t play around: Has anyone told you that you are manipulative?
Girl in boy troubles: Well. Actually, yes.
Friend discussing another friend’s disposition: I feel like you are a very chalant person.
Friend being discussed: Really? I take myself as someone who isn’t non-chalant at all.
Interjector: Guys! You are talking about the same thing!
Not-an-opera-person: Sandra Oh is in an opera?
Opera-person: It’s a speaking role.
Recent victim of 'playful' Bike Ramming: Northern Europeans play too rough, Like- he thought we were both having fun there.
Engineer: I'm running an experiment in the apartment for a lab so don't be concerned if you see wires in the bathroom lol.
Upperclassman: You don't actually have to know anything to get a job.
Princeton student 1: we're such fucking nerds
Princeton student 2: Dude, it's Princeton
A fellow Artichoke: So we sent out a form collecting opinions about us hanging up a pride flag outside on the porch. We did receive one nay saying that it was not representative of the group.
Everyone: *a collective side eye*
Guy friend: *shrugs* Hey, you said small in all dimensions.
Girl talking about her new boy toy: Yeah, well I’m not talking about that one.
Anal musician, about a girl coming to talk to him: She comes around and my anus recoils.
Guy holding the hand of a girl (who is clearly leaning away from him): If you were more flexible than you are, that would be, like, weird to me. Your amount of flexibility – totally fine.
Post-Break Princeton Dad: Looking at this news report and seeing adults get so worked up about 6-7 makes me so sad. If I unironically sound this corny, you know what to do.
Confused Princetonian: What? No I don't.
Dad: A rock to the back of my head.
Guy in quarter zip: No but I think being unemployed might be, like, really really good.
Neo-Yuppie (?): I do the poetry section for the Princeton Tory under the pen name D.V Likely.
Student totally being hazed: This feels like hazing.
Frat bro: It’s not hazing, it’s just… tradition.
Hazee: That’s not better.