Heard in Prof. Foster’s ART 214

Nothing is more degrading than a clown shitting in a stall.

Overheard in 1927

She would kill me if she found out that I spread my stuff all over her bed.

Overheard in Chancellor Green

Josh Boak? No, he’s not Jewish, he’s just funny-looking.

Overheard in Lockhart

Sometimes, I feel like an automatic blowjob machine.

Overheard in Lockhart

Guy 1: You should just be her big talking dildo.
Guy 2: That’s all I ever wanted to be...except for the talking part.

Overheard from Prof. Lamb in ENG320

Pedophilia is different from slavery.

Overheard at Charter

If I had a little sister, I’d be in jail already.

Overheard on Elm Street

I wouldn't mind if my house got broken into, but I would mind if I didn't get to fuck the Pope this summer.

Overheard in Prospect Gardens

It’s not about being disabled. It’s about Minnesota.

Overheard in Holder

I’m thinking of giving out blowjobs for Lent.
Don’t you mean you’re thinking about giving them up?
No.

Overheard in Murray-Dodge

What? Sex makes you fat? Well then it’s a good thing I’m not having sex, because I’ve already gained seven pounds this year.

Overheard in Butler

When I’m sucking a guy’s dick, I sort of like to be able to gag. I don’t know, I guess it’s just comforting.

Overheard in Terrace

I don’t smoke, I just see things sometimes.

Overheard in Forbes

New Hampshire is the sweating vagina of New England.

Overheard in WWS 301

I don’t think old people are useless, I just find it easier to kill them.

Overheard in CLA208

This book is truly pathetic and not really useful. I would strongly encourage you not to look at it... But it’s mandatory.

Bill Nye in AST 203

Astrology is evil and bad. I’m not trying to be judgemental, I’m just saying.

Prof. Tyson in AST 203

Pluto is moonwhipped.

Overheard in Holder

I think when I die I want to be buried with my hands on my nuts.

Overheard in Rocky Dining Hall

At Yale they have this club where people get together, eat fried chicken, and watch pornos every Friday.
Wait, isn’t that at Quad?

Overheard in Edwards

Well, if I have to stay, can I at least take my shirt off?

Overheard in PJ’s Pancake House

I don’t want to sleep with him... I just want to measure it.

Overheard in Holder

There is gonna be so much pussy at my funeral.

Overheard in the E-Quad

Do computers suck because they’re guys, or do guys suck because they’re computers?

Overheard in Lourie-Love Lounge

I could have scored last night, but I had to wake up early.