Guy 1: You should just be her big talking dildo.
Guy 2: That’s all I ever wanted to be...except for the talking part.
I wouldn't mind if my house got broken into, but I would mind if I didn't get to fuck the Pope this summer.
I’m thinking of giving out blowjobs for Lent.
Don’t you mean you’re thinking about giving them up?
What? Sex makes you fat? Well then it’s a good thing I’m not having sex, because I’ve already gained seven pounds this year.
When I’m sucking a guy’s dick, I sort of like to be able to gag. I don’t know, I guess it’s just comforting.
This book is truly pathetic and not really useful. I would strongly encourage you not to look at it... But it’s mandatory.
At Yale they have this club where people get together, eat fried chicken, and watch pornos every Friday.
Wait, isn’t that at Quad?
Do computers suck because they’re guys, or do guys suck because they’re computers?