Politics major, on Cornell band halftime show: Oh my god! This looks JUST like the North Korean mass show.
Former Nass-er: Is that a real book?
Nass Junior: Yeah.
Former Nass-er: Oh, so it's not fiction?
Senior NYU girl: We're both artsy. But I'm, like, aesthetic artsy, and she's, like, DIY-artsy.
Frat pledge: This is the first time I haven't worn a street to the shirt and I feel fat.
Senior girl, reflecting on Kant: The next time I'm making out with someone on the street, I'm going to ask them, excuse me, do you see me as a means or an end?
Socially conscious bro: Self-immolation is morally wrong because it contributes to global warming.
Nass writer, holding a philosophy textbook: I'm morally opposed to getting a nose job … but I could see myself doing it ironically.
Daily Princetonian Opinion Editor: Marcia, I can't possibly get a job at a news organization.
Sophomore Pi Phi, referring to a class at Gratitude Yoga: Gemma asked us to lift up Puerto Rico at the end of class today. But I said fuck that, I'm gonna lift up my mom. She needs it.
Confused frosh, on local psychic: She won't “do” you… I mean, she won't “read” you unless you're over 18.
Nass Frosh: I’ve been listening to Ira Glass talk about storytelling, so I feel really qualified to write about this.
Unidentified freshman male: Yeah I could join the Nass so easy. I'd just be like, "La Croix," and they'd be like "Fuck yeah!".
St. A's Ivy Senior: I don't know if I would shower with her.
St. A's Senior: Because it's a public shower? I've done it.
St. A's Ivy Senior: No, because that's me time.
Frosh, wearing bright red tracksuit: We had a vape photoshoot yesterday, so let us know if you want any pictures.
Student: Yeah I heard that in North Korea if you're a government informant you get a free rice cooker… or a TV or something.
Philosophy major: Oh good, he's an undergrad, not a grad student. Now I feel more comfortable telling him to go fuck himself.
Frosh who just bought a Juul: Wait, I hope I don't get ice cream on my Juul.
Senior man on the Tigerbook controversy: For some reason I didn't feel bothered by the NSA but I do feel bothered by this.
Art symposium visitor girl: Quick, fuck, marry, kill: the Obama family, go!
Other art symposium visitor girl: I'd marry Michelle, fuck Obama, and kill Malia.
Prep School frosh: Choate was too laid back and focused on diversity; I needed more real elitism so I went to Deerfield.
Econ major, deep in the process of consulting recruitment, during Buddhism discussion: I don't think achieving Nirvana is in line with my long-term goals.
Ivy senior, in turtleneck: I just wanted to remind everyone how much I hate men with this outfit.