Four-year-old girl, to father: It doesn’t feel very fun here, Dada.
*Annual TigerAlert Test notifications go off*
Huge football player: If I die, I die. I gotta finish this test.
White Pi Phi woman, screaming: So, first of all, I got KICKED OUT OF THE BLACK AFFINITY SPACE.
Student to friend, on professor: She teaches stuff fine — she’s not a brilliant mind, but it’s okay.
Member of James Madison Society: Cottage is disseminating Confederate propaganda again.
Woman, screaming over “Dancing on my Own” by Robyn: THIS IS COLLEGE OKAY. THIS SONG IS COLLEGE.
Pi phi betch: I don’t really think about the Thetas until I see them in a group like that, and then I’m like oh my god I really hate them.
Drunken woman to her friend: You’re not Jesus Christ, you’re not Mother Teresa, you can’t fix people. And she’s clearly broken.
Student: *sneezes twice*
Sixth-year grad student preceptor: They warned us during graduate student orientation. The freshmen will get sick and spread it to us.
Liberal activist: I don't know about you, but Condoleeza Rice serves her tea BOILING.
Triangle biz chair: Nobody in Triangle can know that I drank gin with a mixer.
Junior Editor to managing editor: I just bcc’ed you
I’ve never done that before
I think I need to take a shower
Nass web editor: I can name all the great Russian writers... have you ever read Nabokov ?
Nass managing editor, screaming: WE WILL NOT BURN BRIDGES WITH DAVID REMNICK
Supreme Court justice, Sonia Sotomayor: And that’s how I got to Princeton... I got fooled.