Overheard in a Uber

Enlightened Junior: I've never been so dead inside. I'll never be the same.

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Overheard inside Witherspoon Hall

Frustrated LGBT senior: I’ve googled “how to dress lesbian” at least 14 times this week.

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Overheard during Study Group

STEM major trying to make a point: I'm a neuro-transmitter and he's a voltage gated ion channel receptor. Do you understand?

English Major: *exasperated* no.

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Overheard In the CJL Dining Hall

Sophomore SJW: Do you think the Princeton Committee on Palestine has merch?

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Overheard on Elm St. on a Monday evening

Passerby: And I straight up Stanford Prison Experimented these kids.

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Overheard in Frist

Writer: I feel like Freud would have a lot to say about this.

Other writer: I don't know much about Freud.

Writer: Me neither.

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Overheard during a hookup:

Boob enthusiast: You have nice boobs. They make so many fun shapes!

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Overheard at Coffee Club

Coffee Club employee: We can't have that many people saying that our drinks are shit.

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Overheard in Brown

Philosophical White Man: I feel like white people name their children really long names to have power over them. Like knowing the name of a demon.

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Overheard after Vacation

Rested Junior on pullout couch: In the least homosexual way possible, sleeping with you was amazing.

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Overheard after an unofficial tour

Tourist to unofficial tour guides: I would tip you, but I can't, so I'm going to walk away now.

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Overheard during a Revenge Plot

Voice of Reason: But what do you gain?

Vengeful girl-boss: It's about taking down the patriarchy!

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Overheard over a microwaved brownie

Club officer: They should call you guys the Real Housewives of Terrace.

Woman: No, they shouldn't.

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Context: Overheard at Frist

Frosh, having just awoken from a nap: Bro, Princeton is easy. Don't you know we have a 98% graduation rate?

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Overheard on Discord

Despairing Physics Major after being asked for help on P-Set: Inject yourself with self loathing and you might be able to do it.

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Overheard during Princetoween

Freshman playing never-have-I-ever: Never have I ever called someone bestie during sex.

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Overheard at Brunch

Junior looking at a plate of meat: A vegan would actually kill me right now–but they can't 'cause they're vegan!

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Overheard during a Study Break

Religion Studies Student: This might sound bad, but is it wrong to highlight the Bible?

Chaotic Atheist: Depends on the color. It needs to be red like His blood.

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Overheard in Slack

Nass Managing Editor: I'm happy to read, I just can't write.

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Overheard in film class

Thoughtful student: What makes teen horror movies so good is that one weird cum scene.

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Overheard on Zoom

Brazilian: Why does the US support some authoritarian countries but invade others?

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Overheard at Wucox breakfast

Concerned virgin, surveying pineapple: If the pussy ph is low enough, will it melt my dick?

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Overheard in Orlando

Skeptic junior: I'm going to give up vegetarianism for Lent.

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Overheard on Vacation

Tourist to a cop: Nice costume!

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Overheard on Philly Uber

Tired junior: You could be Hamlet.

Melodramatic friend: O, how art thou, Juliet?

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