Overheard on New York subway

Mid-thirties male playing with fidget spinner, to envious young child: One day, kid, one day.

Overheard in a wealthy suburb

Mother: Sam is going to have a birthday party next week, by the way.
Dad: Wasn’t Sam’s birthday last month?
Mother: No, that was his Earth Day awareness party.

Overheard at beach week

Man: The labia minora isn’t always perfectly symmetrical? Is that a Jewish thing?

Overheard at 5 a.m.

Delirious sophomore, after an all-nighter: To remind me of home, my mom sent me a plastic bloody limb.

Overheard in NYMag

New Yorker staffer: Princeton is not in vogue at The New Yorker anymore.

Overheard in San Francisco

Boarding school teen, screaming: WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME I HAVE A FEMALE FRIEND YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A LESBIAN?!!?

Overheard at ramen

Senior guy: I heard these two girls that, based on their voices, were in TI planning their senior trip to Thailand. It was awful.

Overheard in Holder

Germany-obsessed medievalist: I want to get high as a kite and watch Teletubbies.
Critical-theory post-modernist Turk: I feel like that show warrants something harder.

11 

Overheard in Wucox

Shanghai soph about dispute with senior: I'm low key glad he's eating shit cuz his family's KMT.

Overheard on Poe Field

Wholesome sophomore laying on checkered blanket, as man in floral print and beads staggers away: OH! He's coming from Sunday Funday. I thought he was just playing Pokémon Go!

Overheard in Rocky

Tote-carrying soph in fake Birks, yelling: Oh my god you KNOW I love that moon shit! I want my periods to sync up with the moon!!

Overheard at tutoring session

Cottage girl to 30-year-old Chinese man in English, trying to explain the word “thrive”: Thriving is like… [pauses]… living your best life.

Overheard in the Forbes Annex

Girl on the phone inside her room: I honestly don't know – Mom has the prescription. All I know is it takes away my periods and makes my boobs smaller.

Overheard on the walk to McCosh

Pretentious boarding school Terran soph: I guess Heidigger is accompanying me to get Plan B today.

11 

Overheard on iMessage

A's sophomore: A lot of my sexual frustrations came out while playing the Sims.

Overheard in Iowa in late April

25-year-old man: It feels so weird not wearing long underwear…

Overheard on The Daily

Rukmini Callimachi: There’s something ironic about being fat-shamed by ISIS.

Overheard in Terrace

Soph boi: I didn't vine but I revined a lot. *pause* ...It's like retweeting.

Overheard by Small World

Art history major: I really haven’t given Cardi B a chance except for “Kodak Yellow.”

Overheard in a Woody Woo class

Confused soph: I applied for this job at a consulting firm and I think I'm going to get it, I'm so excited!
Friend: Oh what's the job?
Soph: Oh I have no idea. I don't even know what consulting firms do.

Overheard at Ivy

Deutsche Bank intern: Six figures just seems so disappointing... I want more.

10 

Overheard via iMessage

CWR and VIS Certificate English major: Why be a good human when you can be a flawed god?

Overheard at Fashion Speaks

White junior on the whiteness of Shere Khan: Honestly this is worse than the Tory.

15 

Overheard in Pyne

Senior female: I mean when you ask, “Was it good?”... I blew him in the laundry room. I encourage it.

Overheard in Frist

Upper West Sider: Denying the Holocaust is better than being a moral relativist.