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NASS LIST: I SURVIVED…
Anthrax The pear of anguish 9 plagues already, how much worse could it get? The homer simpson percocet from the gas station floor A rather tame upbringing My Northern European roommate, Sven Pity from lames So much. I’ve been through so so much. Being 2016 thick at princeton Pop the balloon challenge Nobu but your…
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Nass List: We Need To Talk About…
DAT PUSSY Das Pussi your fertile crescent Pregnant chicks kissing the tory’s new poetry section Queering the normal AI… how is no one talking about that? the big beautiful BILL the big beautiful BBL how we are on a floating rock in the vast emptiness of the universe. Like, damn…really puts shit into perspective…
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Nass List: Forgive me Father, for I have…
worn my heart on my sleeve turned around so fast my butt made a clapping noise fallen off gooned Been a freak Matched your freak Ordered a bride on doordash Been a mail order bride Been a weirdo. I don’t fit in, and I don’t… wanna fit in listened to radiohead. by myself. fuck my…
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Lag Time Blues
The week before the United States general election, we solicited short-form narrative nonfiction submissions from the Nassau Weekly community. We hoped to gather and serialize scenes, images, and glimpses from Election Day and the following week. We asked writers to tag their reflections with a date and time in an attempt to track the progression…
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Room for Romance? Residential Colleges and Their Dating Prospects
Mathey / Rocky They’re objectively beautiful. Cultured. Nuanced. The only problem is our age gap. I really like their history lectures, but I worry our relationship can only exist in les amphithéâtres. They drink their coffee black, they enjoy cold cigarettes, and they are far too knowledgeable about Hegel to limit our small talk…
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Dating, in Five Metaphors
A Nass writer pulls out the real multiplicity of love in five little analogies
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Spooky Mysteries I May or May Not Be Able to Clear up for You
Documenting some of the spookier mysteries that psychically afflict this Nass writer
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My Drugs
In a ‘very special issue’ of the Nassau Weekly, we’re attempting to tackle one of the most controversial topics in recent history: drugs. Are we the first publication to do this? No. Will we be the last? I mean, I’d be surprised to see anyone else approach the taboo with as much tact and grace…
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Hey, Big Vape! Make These Flavors Next
New Vape Flavors Vagina Ice Sweaty Ballsack Gelato Razzmatazz Orgy Rush Strawberry Strap-on Delight American Spirit Blue Ice Milk Tyra Banks Better Than Sex Hard Boiled Egg Ice Carbonara Lemonade Black Mold Blue Cheese Smoke Chromium Alloy Poop Charisma Uniqueness Nerve Talent Lost Cherry by Tom Ford Lime Pussy Juice Chips Candy Eric Cartman Kush…
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Nass Lists: Primal Urges During My Seminar
We all know the feeling: you’re sitting in your seminar when suddenly you’re overcome by an all-consuming desire to… Crack open my ballpoint pen and drink the ink like it’s a flask Drink a bottle of water like it’s filled with vodka and cause a whole scene for nothing Hit my vape Pull out a…