President of Panhellenic Council, to Ivy Asian: [with respect to her origin] What are you?
Guy 1: My thesis advisor still hasn't responded to my six-page opus.
Guy 2: You should key into his car: 'Respond to my opus, fucker.'
Professor: So what's great about this essay?
Savage: You know, I really like the fact that this is the first draft and it'll be revised.
Girl: Hey did you see the introduction to bondage workshop? We've been missing out!
Boy: My people were doing that thousands of years ago in EGYPT!!
Brooklynite: Girl, I love you so much you make me wanna include strong three dimensional female characters in my novel.
Sickly poet, upon dropping can of Orangina on the ground: Oh no, my lunch!
BodyHype senior: I'm gonna adopt 15 kids. They're gonna be all different races and each of them is gonna wear a different color sweater.
Devout Catholic to Marxist-Leninist: Who’s going to make the caramel gelato when the revolution comes?
Math major senior working in finance next year: There are so many sellouts here that we had a sellout panel.
Junior girl: I feel like having a trust fund could be stressful.
WASP male: Oh, it definitely is not.
Girl: No, I know what you mean. All my friends in high school were prettier than me, too.
Gay Officer: What are Sodom and Gomorrah? I thought they were a pair of historical gay lovers.
Patagonia-wearing frat bro: Is anyone here in the 'Badass Marketers and Founders' Facebook group?
Drunk Bro: Dude, you don't understand how loud you are when you're drunk. It's like you've got caps lock on. Like, AHHH, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY COAT? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?