Overheard on iMessage

Sexually frustrated student: Is it wrong to be sexually attracted to your own bitmoji?

Overheard in Frist

Girl: One time this guy asked me out and I was like, “you’re my cousin,” and he was like, “no, we’re not related” and he got really offended.

Overheard in Whitman

Theta 1: Do you have a seersucker dress I can borrow?
Theta 2, nostalgically: My
Christian horseback-riding summer camp used to sell seersucker pajamas

Overheard at Terrace

Ivy gear chair, on rave attire: Yeah this is what I wear, lambskin jackets.

Overheard in the library

Senior girl, reflecting on Kant: The next time I'm making out with someone on the street, I'm going to ask them, excuse me, do you see me as a means or an end?

Overheard outside of Wawa

Drunk swimmer: I went to all the eating clubs tonight: Cloister, Ivy, Charter, Cannon, Cottage, Frist, TI, Cap ...

Overheard in Pyne

White female: I just really can’t handle adversity in any way.

Overheard whilst making out

Guy: Look, you gave me mono. My spleen is enlarged. (Pokes at something)
Girl: That's my nipple, not your spleen.

Overheard in Frist

Sophomore Pi Phi: Fuck, I love Hammurabi.

Overheard at Bridges precept

Humanities student: Is a rock really a rock or a fragment of our understanding of a rock?

Overheard in West Village

Beleaguered fratter: My Patagonia won’t fit under my Barbour.

Overheard in a New York bar

Random Guy (in response to Foss' repeated attempts to get him to chug his Heineken): Is that kid gay or retarded?

Overheard in our storied past

Alexander Hamilton (on what it would be like if Thomas Jefferson became president):
Murder, robbery, rape, adultery, and incest will be openly taught and practiced, the air will be rent with the cries of the distressed, the soil will be soaked with blood, and the nation black with crimes.

Overheard in Scully

White man: You fucking police me again...and see what happens.

Overheard in Murray-Dodge

Sophomore Pi Phi: I’m like...really scared of ISIS.
Sassy baker: The best way to address fear is to join the enemy.

Overheard in West College

Girl: Isn’t it gross though when you do throw up a little in your mouth?

Overheard outside WaWa

Stoned Frenchman, eating a sandwich: Oh my god I just had a revelation about Kant.

Overheard in 1903

Ivy senior: In my experience, when you have something great and beautiful...you don’t.

Overheard during initiations

Dude: CAN I EAT THIS CAN I EAT THIS CAN I EAT THIS

Overheard in Prospect Garden

Theta ‘09: Watch out for those SAE pledges tonight, because you’re going to have to make out with all of them.

Theta ‘12: Oh, okay!!!

Overheard Parents Weekend

TI dad: I want to be the first parent ever McCoshed.

Overheard in Frist

Pi Phi sophomore: She looks so inbred, doesn’t she?

Overheard in Rocky Dining Hall

Sophomore girl: You know who I see everywhere? The Nass guy with the short shorts and the long socks.

Overheard in Terrace

Sophomore: I went to school in Exeter--at Exeter--I went to Exeter.

Overheard on Twitter

Princeton History professor: I am generically attractive and play by the rules. How can this be happening to me?