St. A’s terran, listening to a gregorian chant while smoking a spliff: I like the idea of faith.
Dad: Are you having a good time at college?
Son: Dad, I'm dating. Isn't that exciting?
Exasperated Sophomore: I just get put in classes that are like, “You're gonna learn better if you work with other people.” No! False! I'm gonna get angry if I work with other people!
Jewish journalist: That’s why the Prince is bad, there are no Jews in it. Gentiles all!
So what’s the difference between a Kappa and a Theta?
I dunno...um...like, forty pounds?
Jewish Woman: Oy, what those penguins had to go through!
6-year-old girl, being forced to pose for a photo with someone else’s bike: Seriously, mom?
Ivy junior, on Ivy aenior: He’s
totally American analytical, but you have to understand the
Commenter: hi just had a quick query what can happen if a woman is pregnant with four babies and are given ovulation tablets?
Guy with newly acquired girlfriend: I feel more productive, you know. More relaxed, getting more work done.
Guy's friend: So getting down to business is good for business?
Guy: Stocks are UP when her pants are DOWN.
Club officer: They should call you guys the Real Housewives of Terrace.
Woman: No, they shouldn't.
One First RCA to another: I know this is a hot take, but you have to have kids. Life is not about having fun.
Senior man to Whig-Clio President: The number of stickers on your laptop is giving me anxiety. You're so affiliated.
Senior boy, on recent alum: Her entire life is a meta-commentary on the ills of humanity.
Gay senior: Guess what fur my coat is?
Gay sophomore: Sea otter or river otter?
Gay senior: It’s fucking mink.
Benedictine monk: You don’t have to talk to anyone at meals-- That’s probably the best part about being a monk.
TI senior girl: Do you wanna live in regret? Or do you wanna live in Sunday Funday?
Student on Elite References in classes: I thought everyone here would be smart and I was wrong.
Townie teen, to preppy friends: That’s really all we do. We eat and buy things.
White female, on hip hop: I was in a hip hop group once at my camp. We did a dance to “Yeah Yeah” by Usher.
White female 2: It’s just one “yeah.”
White female 1: No. No he definitely says it twice.
Perpetually disgruntled professor: Students don’t do drugs here. At least that’s the rumor.
(smothered sniggers from the students)
Professor: We don’t advocate it unless it’s absolutely necessary.