SAE soph, to girl: I have bigger eyes than you. And longer eyelashes. Really, I’m just cuter.
“At sign”: The at sign or @, [is] also called the ampersat, apetail, arroba, atmark, acosta, at symbol, commercial at, curlat, or monkey choad
Baggage checker: Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?
Girl: If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?
Baggage checker: That's why we ask.
Guy 1: Dude, I have to get up early tomorrow to go to Russian class at 9am.
Guy 2: Dude, I have to get up at noon and smoke a joint before brunch!
Guy 3: Tomorrow's Monday.
Guy 2: Well, fine. I have to get up at noon and smoke a joint before lunch, then.
Junior Pi Phi: I am so fed up with everyone on this campus who calls themselves a communist and isn't.
Sexually empowered senior woman: why do we love canadians so much? is it because we think they’re simple?
Ibid: i want to go on a fuck tour of the northwest
Guy 1: I just wanted to tell you, our friendship is like peeing my pants: everyone can see it, but only I can feel the warmth.
Guy 2: I don't think we've met.
TI junior: My hair is so ratchet right now.
Junior Pi Phi: I think it looks fine, and I’m in Ivy.
Professor: I’m sure many of you have actually seen someone choking to death. Well, maybe not, I hope not.
Senior, on first kisses: I think I kissed my Dominican babysitter when I was 7... She was like, 15 though, so it was cool. Her name was Domatila.
Guy 1: Yeah, so I hooked up with this really hot girl last night.
Guy 2: What'd you do?
Guy 1: We made out on the dance floor at one of the eating clubs.
Guy 1: Dude, that doesn't count. That's like hookup inflation.
(Editor's note: Actually, it does count. It's called a dance floor kiss, or "DFK" for short. As in, Guy 1 totally DFK'd a hot girl last night. A variation is the tap room kiss ("TRK").)
Overzealous Athletic Director: Just because you come to Princeton doesn’t mean you have to give up the pursuit of excellence.
Professor: You should be able to see a little bit of purple haze…
Freshman, to no-one in particular: Purple Haze, isn’t that a song by Prince? Or is it Purple Fog? Yeah, Purple Fog…
Annoyingly healthy sophomore: My body's a temple!
Jaded sophomore: My body's like… a nightclub.
Pre-med bitchass: You other people don’t understand how pre-meds’ minds work. I have to be studying every second.
Southern boy: The last time I cried was when I watched the movie Lincoln. I don't know, I just really love America.
Grad student, sheepishly, to Terrace Officer: Do you mind if I bum some toilet paper from Terrace? I ran out at my place.
Professor, on most recent paper assignment: There are some people, I think, who would benefit from a deeper understanding of writing and what it is.
Cookie Enthusiast: I think I would kill everyone here if it meant I would receive the freshest cookies.
Freshman girl, to gaggle of freshman girls: I’ll run for USG. In high school, I was like, president of all my shit.
Be god human beings and just go for it, advices Brian Taylor ‘84 to Princetonian students.
Girl: He said, “You’re so pretty, wanna make out?” And I said cool and we made out and then I left.