Girl: It’s annoying because he’s really into crypto, but he’s really bad at it.
Self-proclaimed pretentious softboi: When I’m really fucked up, I love talking about how pretentious I am.
Senior contemporary dancer, solemnly: I have a knot in my ass. From twerking.
Girl 1: Yeah, and then we went to Ivy.
Girl 2: But we didn't see any blow.
Girl 1: Yes we did!
Girl 2: Oh, that's right! I forgot about that part.
Progressive Jewish Senior: If anyone wants to procrastinate, here's a cool interview with Noam Chomsky about being a Jewish progressive: [link]
Honor Code Violator: Yeah, ever since ChatGPT came out, I've been finding it so hard to write sentences.
Guy 1: I wouldn’t recommend her, she’s not terribly attractive.
Guy 2: No. She’s kind of horse-faced... but, then again, I really like horses.
Managing editor: Today is the day we demonstrate our dodgeball dominancy...please, come through and play with us...for added fun, you can pretend you’re throwing balls at the Nassau Weekly. It’s gonna be really great.
Girl, to Nass editor: Watch this part, it reminds me of you.
Comedic genius Ali Wong: I've accidentally slept with two homeless people.
SPIA major after eating a sugar cookie: There should be a section in Wikipedia called “controversy”.
Vengeful fratter: Yeah, she downed one of our guys in the fall; spring bicker is gonna be the Thetapocalypse.
Triangle biz chair: Nobody in Triangle can know that I drank gin with a mixer.
Theta sophmore: What’s the inside of a private jet like?
White female: Like the inside of a yacht.
Stylish young woman, wearing a hat, to man: Get away! You’re looking at me like I’m a piece of meat, but I am a QUEEN.
Boy: Yeah, Robbie George, the bigot, teaches Con Interp.
Girl: Oh, no, he’s not a bigot. He’s a really strict Catholic.
Straight white man: Lesbians are a group of people I’ve never been able to connect with.
Publisher: That's why I became a misogynist. Because I'm sick of crazy people.
EIC: Don't you think it's unfair to label all girls that way?
Publisher: That's why it's called misogyny.
Orange Key guide: My brother wants to go to Penn. Who on earth has Penn as their dream school?
Football player: Excuse me, where is that place where, you know, you like, study?
Sophomore girl: The library?
Football player: Yeah.
Comp Lit HAG: I was about to get pissed that a couple was all lovey dovey before I looked up and saw it was 2 guys.
Plaid-wearing senior: I don't like the furnishings in this room. The feng shui is fucked up.