Girl 1: You're alright, though?
Girl 2: I am lively and fresh, even in the autumn of my girlhood.
Kappa sophomore: I’m not pretty enough to live in Beverly Hills. I would have to have so much plastic surgery.
Kicker: By selling a sex toy with his new album, the electronic producer makes a powerful statement about how we consume.
Ailing senior woman: I got a UTI from sitting my bare vagina in beer all day.
Poetry Professor: You can’t hurt my feelings. Only fascists can hurt my feelings.
Tired professor: "Suppose, God forbid, I had to grade all the midterms in this class."
ML Catholic, upon hearing about Uber Helicopter: What?! What is this?? Money is the root of all evil.
Junior Theta: My personal goal for this semester is to get in with the alt crew
Freshman boy: I’m so good at bullshitting, sometimes I don’t do the reading for writing sem and I just say something anyway for the participation.
Excited APES senior: Wait, there’s ‘big bootie’ for studying?
Blonde editor: I would accept a small deformity in exchange for safety from meningitis... Like, I would take brown hair maybe.
Suburban mom: My son said he wanted to get married. I said, "why the f would you do that?!" So he changed his mind and bought flying squirrels instead.
Skeptical philosopher: “They always ask me if I see or hear things other people don’t, but how would I know if other people don’t?”
Ivy sophomore: Having friends on two different continents puts media strategy on a whole other level.
Girl, scrolling through boy's spotify: God, he's [ex-boyfriend] but self-aware, and spiritual. I hate it here.