Overheard outside East Pyne

Older man, authoritatively pointing at East Pyne, as if giving campus tour: And this is the Hershey building.

Overheard at Mamoun’s

Girl, to friend: I only get passive-aggresively sexiled.

Overheard in Firestone bathroom

Girl with British accent, on what she does for breakfast:
I inhale a Greek yogurt and smash a banana in my face.

Overheard in Viv

Sophomore rower: The thing is, I told him I’d marry him for housing.

Overheard in the CJL

Orthodox sophomore girl, receiving help on COS homework: You don’t have to help me with this.
Orthodox sophomore boy: No, I really enjoy watching you.

Overheard in precept

Preceptor, sighing: No one should do a PhD. It is not a good lifestyle.

Overheard by the bike rack

Egregious douchebag grabbing bike and slamming it to the ground: Yeah! That's how I roll!

Overheard in Bloomberg

Ivy aesthete, to Nass editor: You asked me to expand on Duchamp’s life and I was like, this is trite.

Overheard in Terrace

Female engineer: I did an ab routine yesterday. I was very confused.

Overheard at Terrace

Senior male: The best thing I learned in Berlin was how to test the quality of cocaine.

Overheard in Chancellor Green

Josh Boak? No, he’s not Jewish, he’s just funny-looking.

Overheard on St. Patrick’s Day

Instagram caption: Irish car bombs with my preschool teacher!! Life comes full circle

Overheard outside the U-Store

White girl: oh ow I’m so sunburned
Black guy: well in a way it’s kind of like reparations

Overheard at Terrace

Woman: Why did he just say “I’m not trying to be sketchy?”
Other woman: Because he want- ed me to buy his coke for $10.

Overheard in a UWS restaurant

Girl, in line for the bathroom: I’m hanging out with Sigmas and they don’t understand my life. Like, I can order a Bloody Mary whenever I want.

Overheard on NJ Transit

Sophomore Pi Phi 1: Hey, [name redacted], are your extensions made of human hair?
Sophomore Pi Phi 2: Yeah, it comes from India. They think they’re donating to God but really they’re just donating to Princess [name redacted].

Overheard in Frist

Ivy SAE, wooing female: So I just started really lifting again...

Overheard after the football game

Penn girl, screaming on phone: Why? Why are you at the hospital? Why were you sent there?

Overheard in Murray Dodge:

Cookie Enthusiast: I think I would kill everyone here if it meant I would receive the freshest cookies.

Overheard in Pyne

Tower member: Yeah, I think Ivy members are the new tools.

Overheard on Facebook on Easter Sunday

Things that come back to life on Easter: Jesus and puwireless.

Overheard in Whitman Library:

Sophomore Pi Phi 1: I wish the haters would stop hating.
Sophomore Pi Phi 2: Yeah, isn't the Pi Phi average GPA like a 3.5?
Sophomore Pi Phi 1: Yeah. We're totally smarter than all those Colonial haters.

Overheard in Terrace

Senior: This music makes me sad.
Chef: It’s Cajun Night. It’s supposed to be sad.

Overheard on Nassau Street

Tower member, proudly: I can say confidently that it was the worst sex she will have in her entire life.

Overheard in 1901-Laughlin

Junior Theta: I would never do butt stuff. Like, never. Like, you would have to pay me $1,000 dollars to do butt stuff.