Freshman boy on attractive yet motherly senior girl: I want her to call me Oedipus
Male Junior 1: Yeah, I passed out once at TI and didn't wake up until after lunch the next day.
Male Junior 2: Wow, I'm suprised no one jerked off on your face.
Socially conscious bro: No...come on. If I do consulting it'll be non-profit consulting.
Nurse: Let's try this again- why do you want me to "slather" your chest with Vick's Vap-O-Rub?
Freshman: Because I lost my allergy medicine and I'm congested.
Nurse: You're lying.
Freshman: Can't you at least pats me tummy?
Progressive Jewish Senior: If anyone wants to procrastinate, here's a cool interview with Noam Chomsky about being a Jewish progressive: [link]
Some guy: There were lots of woke people at the Women's March, including the guy who got kicked out of my co-op at Berkeley for being a misogynist.
21-year-old woman watching Game of Thrones, with gravity: I would never wanna go to the wall.
Former Press Club President, wearing a "Chance 3" hat: Do you have your Marx on you?
Local youth 1: She’s so hot. You’re friends with her, right?
Local youth 2: Kind of.
Local youth 1: Is she weird?
Local youth 2: No.
Local youth 1: Well, is she a slut?
Local youth 2: No.
Local youth 1: Dang.
'03 Alum: I want to take E so I can remember what it's like to stay in shape.
Freshman 1: My prom date’s dad is like, pretty famous.
Freshman 2: Wow. Imagine having a famous dad. Is your dad famous?
Freshman 1: He’s kinda famous. Yeah. He’s famous.
Freshman 2, awed: Wow.
Professor: Why do people buy gold? It’s not because you want to enamel your dining room with gold.
Pi Phi Junior: You don’t know my friends.
Boy: I don’t like to snowboard and act like I’m black. I like to ski and be white.
Adamant frosh girl: I’m not your cow!
Senior boy: You’re more than just your milk...
Jewish Editor-in-Chief: One of the debates I had with myself on Shabbat was whether it would be okay to turn on my computer to look at pictures of Bar Refaeli, because at least she’s a Zionist.
Girl: The Stanford Prison Experiments were run in response to the Abu Ghraib prison scandals, which occured in the 1970s.
R20 member: I feel like once I’m in an eating club, I’ll learn what a soulmate is.
Customer #1: Man, this place is getting more anal-retentive every year.
Customer #2: More anal-retentive? Pshaw, it's always been that way. Anyplace that fests as actively as this one does...
TI senior girl, indignant: What are you even going to do with your husband if you don’t like watching sports?