Overheard during a meeting

Independent and future diplomat: I don’t want to learn how to cook because I want to be able to tell people that I’m the "canned food guy."

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Overheard on the stretching mats in Dillon Gym

Sorority girl on the phone: I don’t know, Dad. All I’ve eaten today are a couple of breathmints.

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Overheard in Whitman courtyard

AB student: “Cosmology? Isn’t that just like beefed up astrology?”

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Overheard outside Mathey dining hall

If I’m going to rush, I better stick to salads.

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Overheard on exclusive Fox News interview

Vice President: Well, true, it was unprecedented. I've been in the business for a long time and never seen a situation quite like this. We've had experiences where the President has been shot; we've never had a situation where the Vice President shot somebody.
Astute Reporter: Not since Aaron Burr...
VP: Not since Aaron Burr.
AP: Different circumstances.
VP: Different circumstances.

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Overheard while doing laundry

Caked Up White Boy: These are my tight-ass corduroys. My whoreduroys.

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Overheard in Terrace

Shiksa Brit: If I were creating a master race, it would probably look pretty Jewish.

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Overheard at Cannon

Bro at urinal, to other bro: I like using the kiddie urinal, because I have a tiny dick.

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Overheard at a pregame

Nass frosh: Do you read the New Yorker? I mean, have you heard of David Remnick?

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Overheard en route to Jadwin

Confused basketball fan: Is bounce-off at 8?

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Overheard in Little Hall

Girl: I've heard it's kind of weird
after you jerk off...you pee kinda
funny.
Boy: Oh yeah, that's because
there's extra residue of jizz in there
that's get sticky and clogged up
a bit, unless you've gotten completely
sucked off. Then the pipes
are clean.
[Uncomfortable pause]
Boy: Oh, I love my pipes clean!

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Overheard in Math Alive

Adjunct professor of Mathematics: So the question is, how many peo- ple are you going to date in your lifetime? But don’t ask a math- ematician that question because the answer is 0, or 1 if you’re lucky.

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Overheard outside Firestone

P-Safe Officer 1 to P-Safe Officer 2: Have you seen that movie _Over My Dead Body_ with Paul Rudd?

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Overheard at Terrace

Someone who likes the French Revolution a little too much: Why can’t we just turn all of the churches into temples of reason again?

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Overheard on the Tory e-mail list

Our back cover, God willing, will be "The Top Ten Top Ten Lists the Nass Shouldn't Do." We're looking for more ideas.
Top Ten Favorite Quotes from the Vagina Monologues
Top Ten Most Powerful People on Campus with AIDS
Top Ten Drugs Used at Terrace
Top Ten Drug Users at Terrace
Top Ten Bathrooms for Doing Cocaine
Top Ten Trail of Tears Jokes We Know" Top
Ten Nass Writers Ashamed of Their Red State Heritage Top Ten Nass Writers
Who Aren't Jewish (if there are Ten) Top Ten Nass Writers Who Were Abused As Children Yet Still Manage to Be Funny
Indonesia's Top Ten Funniest Tsunami Videos
Top Ten Jacob Savage Fashion Tips

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Overheard at Blair Arch

Junior practicing self care: sometimes you just need to cry to go to sleep.

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Oveheard on an Axe Body Spray Can

Axe Deodorant Body Spray is the all-over body spray with effective deodorant protection and a long-lasting fragrance designed to seduce the ladies. If you Spray it, they will come.

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Overheard in Holder

Frosh taking care of drunk friend: I've been around a lot of people who have been McCoshed or PMCed and he is not at that point yet

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Overheard in TI

Chi Phi junior 1: In fact, I haven’t seen any dicks today.
Chi Phi junior 2: That’s amazing.

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Overheard in Cafe Viv

Employee to Boss: There’s just no swiss cheese. There just isn’t any. There is none. There is no swiss cheese. We have parsley. We have ham. There is no swiss cheese.

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Overheard on Snapchat

Sophomore girl: She sang happy birthday to my IUD as she put it in.

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Overheard while high

My mom (with total sincerity): Legal weed in New Jersey isn't a big deal for Princeton anyway, none of you would EVER do that.

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Overheard in Whitman courtyard

Kid with scooter: Do you know what to do if I have a boner?

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Overheard in the Wa:

Bro: I can get all this candy?
Cashier: Yes.
Bro: For just this money?
Cashier: Yes.
Bro: Incredible.

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Overheard in VIS seminar

Millennial dudebro professor: I had a friend in high school, we called her 'Sniggles,' because she laughed with her lips closed… like… teee heeee… heee hee heee…

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