Overheard in Whitman courtyard

Girl, happily: The guy who punched me in the teeth called me really pretty.

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Overheard on the train from London to Bath

Cockney Dude: No, you cannot eat my chinchilla! ... It's like a cross between a rat and a pig.

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Overheard during the World Series

Curious Californian: "Hey Siri, what pronouns does the Philly Phanatic use?”

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Overheard on spring break

Senior girl 1, describing the catch phrase clue “Calf”: Baby cow.
Senior girl 2: Piglet! No wait, veal!

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Overheard at confessional:

Sophomore girl using Snapchat: I feel so guilty. He's sent me nine dick pics already and I've only sent one tit pic in return.

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Overheard in Whitman

Pre-med frosh who hates science: What would my alter-ego be?
Friend: A doctor.

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Overheard in the basement of McCosh

Guy (awkwardly): Hi, [redacted].
Girl: I bet I don't want to know what's in that paper bag!
Guy: I packed a lunch! Just kidding, they're testing my pee. Why else would the bag be so warm?

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Overheard in Butler

Upper West Sider: I freaked out when I met Cornel West and accidentally told him I was from Harlem.

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Overheard on the B floor

Senior wearing Warby Parkers: I only use Twitter to follow basketball stars. And radical leftists. There's a lot of overlap.

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Overheard before Dinner

Lit-bro: "Crying of Lot 49 and Blood Meridian: two books about vibing."

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Overheard in Horse Country

Ex-financier, watching Wolf of Wall Street: I don’t remember it being like this. (Nude model crashes onscreen.) Well, maybe it was.

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Overheard at Wu

Quirked-down aging sophomore German major: These new antidepressants are making me shockingly less horny.

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Overheard outside Frist

Vegan hipster: Yo, what if they made tofu-flavored cigarattes? How sick would that be?

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Overheard Murray Dodge

Nass editor: I want to go into journalism but it takes so much confidence and faith...and I’m an atheist with low self-esteem.

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Overheard in the Dining Hall

RCA 1: I've always wondered what it'd be like to be tazed.

RCA 2: It'd be a fun study break.

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Overheard in Practical Ethics precept

Woman: I can’t think of a single good thing Hitler did.
Preceptor: He made the trains run on time.

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Overheard in 1901

Nass staffer: I know this is alienating to a lot of people, but I really do love Sonic Youth.

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Overheard in Terrace:

Terrace girl: I got really mad the other day about the Orange and Black Ball.
Terrace guy: Why?
Terrace girl: It’s super heteronormative. The advertising is all, “Get your hetero date.”
Terrace guy: ... Is it?

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Overheard on Canvas

Comp Lit Major: I don't mean to be dramatic, but they quite literally brought me to tears.

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Overheard outside Frist

Orange Key guide: Princeton Preview is a great chance to sleep with a student.

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Overheard at Ivy

Overzealous effeminate freshman: I was feeling really rebellious in the shower today, so I decided to shave my arms. Feel them!! (Shoves arm in face) So smooth!!

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Overheard in Frist, 2:13AM:

Grad Student: [reeling drunkenly into Oaf] “YOU, sir, are a - “
Enormous Oaf: [with bloodlust] “WHAT? What am I?”
Grad Student: “A captain of industry!”

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Overheard in between two bathroom stalls:

Horny Guy: I don’t like free porn sites. They always give me viruses.
Really Horny Guy: That’s why you have to go on your iPhone. They never get viruses. Plus they are more discreet in public places.

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Overheard in Foulke (as two girls are making out)

Guy #1: Don't you wish you were in Terrace?
Guy #2: Yeah

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Overheard over Video Call

Ungrateful college applicant to mentor: Why are you typing so aggressively? You only type aggressively when you're tired and won't put up with anyone's shit.

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