Guy working: I think that I don’t even consider the effect of peer pressure anymore, I mean if someone came in and offered me heroin, I’d just do it. Well maybe not heroin, but coke.
Another tired guy working: (whispering softly) I’d do heroin ...
Stressed student reading Freud: Kids playing. Aw. I miss being a kid. I miss being a future genius instead of a present disappointment.
Drunk TI SWUG on Valentine's Day: I feel like in a past life I was a horse whisperer.
Freshman girl 1: What if that car just ran over us right now?
Freshman girl 2: That’d be so Regina George.
Student: Who else fujoshi-ing out over Bill Clinton and Donald Trump.
Public servant: “I like your multi-drug stuff… it feels like home, with Mexicans abusing things all around me.”
Bro among bros: I can’t wear backwards hats. Some people just have the face for it... I just have a long face. I can do cowboy hats, though. I have a cowboy face.
Science-skeptic humanist: “No, exactly, I bet his doctorate is in medicine instead of philosophy.”
Guy: You can take Haydar out of the third world.
Haydar: BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE THE THIRD WORLD OUT OF HAYDAR!
Buoyant senior: As a child, I once tried to waterproof myself with vaseline. I hadn’t realized that I am already waterproof.
Professor: I don’t know how much you guys who are taking this class for a grade care about cancer--but you old auditors in the back probably do!
Terrace sophomore: What department are you thinking of majoring in?
Prefrosh from Hell: Econ at first, but it looks like you can go to Wall Street from here with any major, so now I’m not sure.
Heartbroken roommate: I just downloaded TikTok to look at a few videos about how to have a friend with benefits.
Soulful male: He always asks me for girl advice, and I’m like, just touch ‘em. And then see what she does.
Peers: Uh.
Soulful male: That’s not horrible. That’s just wise.
Guy with newly acquired girlfriend: I feel more productive, you know. More relaxed, getting more work done.
Guy's friend: So getting down to business is good for business?
Guy: Stocks are UP when her pants are DOWN.
USG member: Yeah, well, you know Shawon. He has a vision. He has dreams.
(later) . . . USG is great. Everyone hates it most of the time, but it’s great.
Wholesome Girl: *whispering* I get really competitive about gingerbread houses.
Guy #1: Tomorrow is a brand new day.
Guy #2: Who said that originally?
Guy #2: I believe it was a container of bleach.
Pensive lecturer: "Sorry about all the violent examples. I just come from a country where the policeman /does/ punch the boy all the time."
Sentimental friend: Did I mention how much I missed you?
Indifferent friend: Really? Oh, good job.