Girl Who Definitely Didn’t Do the Reading: You know the AIDS crisis in the…the 19…the late 19s…

Gym Bro 1: Are you going out on Saturday? Gym Bro 2: No, I’m actually going to Mexico City to see Kanye.

Concerned Founder: How did he even survive? Sage Founder: VC funding.

Guilty Catholic: I’m giving up masturbation and weed for Lent. Skeptic: I give it two weeks.

DragonVale Enthusiast #1: Is it eugenics if I’m trying to collect all the ethnicities?  DragonVale Enthusiast #2: No, that’s multiculturalism.

Wasian: Thank God your parents are a little racist. 

Ivy League Hopper: Harvard dining hall food is so bad. My heart longed for RoMa.  Cynic: Beggars versus choosers.

Violinist: One of the opera singers looks like a small Dean Withers.

Insightful Soul: We should let the Ukrainians cook.

TI Boy #1: You know Marc Anthony bro?  TI Boy #2: Yeah. The boy?

Believer: I think it’s nice that they posted a father-daughter picture.  Non-Believer: That’s his GIRLFRIEND.

zippyreply@gmail.com: Hi! This is Christopher L. Eisgruber. Please share the number you prefer for text communication.