Our big debut! All our hard-hitting journalistic goings-on inside. Find a copy around campus, or take a look at the full spread below:
Thinks in emotions: I don’t know if we’re dating or anything…
Thinks in numbers: The amount of square footage you’ve covered does not say friendship.
Dietetic dialectical diatribist: I don’t think a vegan framework gets us most directly to what I want to see in our society. On the list of big picture issues, it is NOT making the top five…
From a Central Asian dictatorship: It was a bad month for democracy. I’m fleeing the country now.
Male feminist: I’m going to let you finish your sentence in your mind.
Bickered Ivy, joined Cap: It’s surprisingly rewarding when you fall into the current of normalcy.
Woman in STEM: I am going to go circulate around the brothers now.
Just got ghosted on Hinge: It doesn’t matter, the life is ruined already.
Sensorially sensitive: My bottles are so loud, it’s embarrassing.
Traditional (mentally-shackled) woman: I just feel bad after drinking. Alcohol makes me feel depressed the morning after.
Liberated (depressed) woman: Sounds like a skill issue.
Honor Code Violator: Yeah, ever since ChatGPT came out, I've been finding it so hard to write sentences.
Returning from the Street: What did she say about you?
Perceived Aristocrat: She said I don't seem like someone who would mingle with the poor.
T.I.’s Southern Gentleman: If I were given the opportunity to be Jewish, I would love it. I can't imagine having that taken away from me like that.
Has their priorities straight: I couldn’t break up with him today. I had a COS project.