Germany-obsessed medievalist: I want to get high as a kite and watch Teletubbies.
Critical-theory post-modernist Turk: I feel like that show warrants something harder.
Shanghai soph about dispute with senior: I'm low key glad he's eating shit cuz his family's KMT.
Wholesome sophomore laying on checkered blanket, as man in floral print and beads staggers away: OH! He's coming from Sunday Funday. I thought he was just playing Pokémon Go!
Tote-carrying soph in fake Birks, yelling: Oh my god you KNOW I love that moon shit! I want my periods to sync up with the moon!!
Cottage girl to 30-year-old Chinese man in English, trying to explain the word “thrive”: Thriving is like… [pauses]… living your best life.
Girl on the phone inside her room: I honestly don't know – Mom has the prescription. All I know is it takes away my periods and makes my boobs smaller.
Pretentious boarding school Terran soph: I guess Heidigger is accompanying me to get Plan B today.
A's sophomore: A lot of my sexual frustrations came out while playing the Sims.