Verbatim

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Overheard in a Frist booth

Freshman Tigression: Her birthday is tomorrow?! No way. She can't be a pisces. That makes no sense. We have to do her chart.

Overheard in a finance class precept

Preceptor, after delivering a lengthy explanation: So... is that clear?
Sophomore snake: Not at all, but I know you're trying your best.

Overheard at Terrace

University Press Club Member: Michael Cohen would be fine if people just appreciated that he's a weirdo.

Overheard in Firestone

Confused Frosh: Wait, Jojo Siwa is the senator of Texas?

Overheard outside J Street

Black woman: The media IS racist. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Overheard in Wilcox dining hall

Sophomore girl: I don’t think I can be attracted to someone I’ve been in precept with.

Overheard in Frist

SWUG heading to a thesis meeting: I am going to commit sudoku.
Other SWUG: Sudoku?
SWUG, late to thesis meeting: Seppuku.

Overheard at Terrace

Terran 1: The Honor Committee is really just an elaborate form of surveillance.
Terran 2: I should join the Honor Committee. We need someone on the inside.

Overheard in Wu

British freshman, who’s just like, over it: Ugh, the war in Yemen has really ruined my summer plans…