Disappointed frosh: I've always been sort of tenuously interested in astrology because I'm a Leo.
Professor who brought candy for his class: At this point in the semester, an IV of crack is a better idea.
Stressed-out sophomore: I'll be honest, I think I probably have a solid cry about once a month. Usually in the shower. Put on some sad music and just go for it. That way I'm not wasting time. I mean, we all have to shower.
Quad senior: I think he's very confident about his weight loss from last summer. Then again, that's when he had malaria.