Ivy senior sadboi, at 1 a.m. after Sunday Funday: That’s how I feel about sadness—I’m really addicted to it but I don’t like it.
Twenty-something female: And I’m like, I do not need to see your cervix. We’re not that close.
Low-key humanitarian, high-key drunk: I went on one of those community service trips to Jamaica in college, but our driver hit a house, so we ended up rebuilding that one instead.
Drunk girl in sequins: Only cool people allowed. Only people who like Lean Cuisine.
Sophomore Theta with a fiber stomachache: I just love legumes, but I literally couldn’t even go to Olives anymore if I stopped eating them. I only eat legumes there.