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Overheard in Frist

Woke PTL philosophy major: The patriarchy is IN Frist.

Context: Overheard outside 1879

Intellectual 1: Dude, how many light years away is the nearest, like, gas station?
Intellectual 2: Like, several?

Overheard in the East Asian Library

Girl at front desk, loudly: My grandma was like, “You’re next” and I was like, “Sure. Keep waiting, Grandma. Not happening.”

Overheard at an eating club

Sophomore man, after being invited to dinner at Winberie's: Is this a fancy place? Because I have khaki shorts in my bag…

Overheard at Passover Seder:

Junior SHARE peer, on 17-year-old Billie Eilish: That girl is SO thicc!

Overheard on GenderEquality listserv

Girl: Hello, Can you please remove me from this listserv? Thanks.

Overheard while sharing break-up stories

Girl, describing stoic ex-boyfriend: He should have been fucking sobbing because I'm a delight.

Overheard at an eating club on Easter Sunday

Senior man: Jesus was probably a Chi Phi.

Overheard in art history class

Anthropology junior, to professor: I really like your shirt today.
Professor, bewildered: Thank you. [Pause. Then, half-laughing and bringing hands to face.] I don't know if this is something you should say to a professor. It makes me blush.

Overheard outside Walker

Exasperated girl: I went to four post offices today and had to take six Ubers.