Frosh who just bought a Juul: Wait, I hope I don't get ice cream on my Juul.
Senior man on the Tigerbook controversy: For some reason I didn't feel bothered by the NSA but I do feel bothered by this.
Art symposium visitor girl: Quick, fuck, marry, kill: the Obama family, go!
Other art symposium visitor girl: I'd marry Michelle, fuck Obama, and kill Malia.
Prep School frosh: Choate was too laid back and focused on diversity; I needed more real elitism so I went to Deerfield.
Econ major, deep in the process of consulting recruitment, during Buddhism discussion: I don't think achieving Nirvana is in line with my long-term goals.
Ivy senior, in turtleneck: I just wanted to remind everyone how much I hate men with this outfit.
Nass Managing Editor: Enough Judaism! …just kidding, you can never have enough Judaism.
Annoyingly healthy sophomore: My body's a temple!
Jaded sophomore: My body's like… a nightclub.
Ailing senior woman: I got a UTI from sitting my bare vagina in beer all day.