The Literary Issue

March 25, 2004

A Poem

I. The Commemoration of St. Malachy falls on November 3, so as not to conflict with the feast of All Souls. A prophet, Malachy extirpated barbarism from the Church. II. St. Malachy was named Abbot of Bangor in 1123. “That’s … Read More

by Maggie Dillon on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

David Brundige Broke My Heart

David Brundige’s senior thesis production, “Pig Tails,” reviewed. “Go see ‘Pig Tails,'” writes Gold.

by Jacob O. Gold on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

A Beautiful Spotless Mind

Seriously, Charlie Kaufman is tha man: in the past five years, he has penned the unbelievable scripts for Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Confessions of a Beautiful Mind, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. In such a short period, he … Read More

by Mike Jorgensen on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Intime Knows that Sex Sells

They say you learn something new every day. “Aight,” you’re going, “but do you really?” I’m gonna go out on a limb now and say that that’s the basic premise of this here education: learning. But even if I’m generous … Read More

by Rachel Axelbank on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Narcissistic Love Fest

The last time I was in a “gallery” was when, having in my three months in Rome long exhausted all the great venues, I jumped into a cab and decided to take a look-see at the Roman Napoleonic Museum and … Read More

by Patrick Cunningham on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Aloft and Not a Little Aloof

Chang-rae Lee’s third novel, Aloft, released earlier this month, is a book of firsts.

by Eleanor Barkhorn on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Dating the Facebook

After coming back from the Street with my buddies one night, we were trying to decide on a new challenge with regard to the females on campus. After all, there are only so many things you can do with Spelling-Bee … Read More

by Tyler Allard on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Jargon of Inauthenticity

Academia is awash with fifty dollar words that few can buy. Those terms, spoken in a certain style, presented in papers, at conferences, 4:30 lectures, were once music to my ears. Now all I hear is the caustic evasion of … Read More

by Elliot Ratzman on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

The Addict’s Special Need

She could take exactly six-and-a-half steps from one end of the room to the other, and that’s considering she has really short strides.

by Jacy Cruz on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Uncreative Writing Response #1

you dialed the wrong number ___-__ _______ feathers sequins fingers France in the springtime yellow towels ____ _____ _____ fill in the blank who did you sell your _____ to the neighbor? which neighbor? _______ I baked a cake, you … Read More

by Alice Warren-Gregory on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Poems

In fond memory of the Persian and Andalusian poets Dear, you are the hottest of all living men. Your eyes are brilliant as the puddle of oil in the parking lot, You caper like a plastic bag tumbling amid the … Read More

by Meredith Root-Bernstein on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

The Twenty Years War

Duncan Nussbaum always had a feeling God was out to get him. When he was six years old, he was eating a cheese sandwich – this was back when his parents still kept kosher – and snatched a piece of … Read More

by Jacob Savage on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

These are the Things She Tried

On October 3, God sat in his white chair with a book suspended in front of him, a pen twirling between his fingers. Of both hands, because he’s ambidextrous. It’s Yom Kippur, a day scheduled for his Jewish constituents and … Read More

by Brooke Lewy on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Borrowed Words: Learning to Write by Rote

At 12:59 on a Monday, professor Craig Dworkin stood at the front of the class in his graying black sweatshirt, coffee cup in hand and said, “Okay, so right now we’re going to experiment with Breton’s automatic writing. If you get stuck, just think of the letter L and words that start with L.”

by Carolyn Wise on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Automatic Writing

Listening is like dragons on an uncomfortable day. Last night my feet were cold, biting, I think they bit me. Sunny Bono, but we’ve heard that one before. Yesterday I sold my chappals for an accent to wear in America. … Read More

by Fairy Pardiwalla on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

AUTOMATIC WRITING EXERCISE #1

I see yellow spot ontology the razzle sunrays of elephantitic love-knots dazzling over my raspberry burst kisses in infinitudes of plenteous silence. When we see the L love of life-light Lincoln Center lollipops we will know our ship has sailed. … Read More

by Jennifer L. Schanbacher on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Dyad: Semi-automatic Writing

1 I never knew if the air opened above our heads or scattered from the sunshine of a thousand bloody gods + feet + lambskin gloves the size of fish to come of streams + lakes + faucets in the … Read More

by Brian Skerratt on March 24, 2004March 17, 2013

Verbatim

Overheard in a charming Montevideo restaurant

Girl: I think there differences in penises, beyond size or
circumcision.....things like texture, aroma, and body all come to mind.
Guy: Are you like some kind of penis connoisseur?
Girl: Yes, I taste them all the time.

Dramatis Personae: Two lonely junior girls scouting potential houseparties dates; a guy passerby.

Scene 1: Ivy dancefloor.
Lonely Girl 1: Look over there at that guy's wandering hands. He looks
promising.
Lonely Girl 2: Do you see that hot freshman/ sophomore in the corner?
Guy Passerby: You should go for him!
Scene 2: Pyne Hall, later that night, girls still alone.
Lonely Girl 1: If we get really desperate we can put an ad in the
Prince and an idiot will respond.
Lonely Girl 2: I'm going to submit that to verbatim!
(Managing Editor's note: Call me. I have my own tux.)