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My Drugs
In a ‘very special issue’ of the Nassau Weekly, we’re attempting to tackle one of the most controversial topics in recent history: drugs. Are we the first publication to do this? No. Will we be the last? I mean, I’d be surprised to see anyone else approach the taboo with as much tact and grace…
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59 Rejected Theses
Here in all their glory are our 59 (close enough, right?) rejected theses.
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113 Hangover Cures
Hangover alchemy is a bit more involved than water and Advil.
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Room for Romance? Residential Colleges and Their Dating Prospects
Mathey / Rocky They’re objectively beautiful. Cultured. Nuanced. The only problem is our age gap. I really like their history lectures, but I worry our relationship can only exist in les amphithéâtres. They drink their coffee black, they enjoy cold cigarettes, and they are far too knowledgeable about Hegel to limit our small talk…
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Hey, Big Vape! Make These Flavors Next
New Vape Flavors Vagina Ice Sweaty Ballsack Gelato Razzmatazz Orgy Rush Strawberry Strap-on Delight American Spirit Blue Ice Milk Tyra Banks Better Than Sex Hard Boiled Egg Ice Carbonara Lemonade Black Mold Blue Cheese Smoke Chromium Alloy Poop Charisma Uniqueness Nerve Talent Lost Cherry by Tom Ford Lime Pussy Juice Chips Candy Eric Cartman Kush…
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127 Unclaimed Rap Names
The Crying Game DJ Yung Educated But Unemployed Lil Drummer Boy Sofresh n’ Soclean Dion Adonis Morissette D(ean)J Rapelye Rudeboy Giuliani Duncan Hoy-Z Lil Peni$ Lil Italy Lil Lion Man Lil Caesars Pizza Kings ?uest Missy Eliot Linton Missy Michelle Obama Lisa “Left Eye” Kudrow Kim Jong (F)un(k) Emilio Pucci Mane MatisYahoo! King Latifah Lil…
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90 Princeton Courses that Were Never Taught
All the courses you always wanted to take—if the university ever let you.
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Nass Lists: Primal Urges During My Seminar
We all know the feeling: you’re sitting in your seminar when suddenly you’re overcome by an all-consuming desire to… Crack open my ballpoint pen and drink the ink like it’s a flask Drink a bottle of water like it’s filled with vodka and cause a whole scene for nothing Hit my vape Pull out a…
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70 of Princeton’s Next Big Construction Projects: A Nass List
PRINCETON BUILDS: A doomsday bunker, an embassy for Bumble ambassadors, a cold brew river, and 67 other projects.
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Nass List: Forgive me Father, for I have…
worn my heart on my sleeve turned around so fast my butt made a clapping noise fallen off gooned Been a freak Matched your freak Ordered a bride on doordash Been a mail order bride Been a weirdo. I don’t fit in, and I don’t… wanna fit in listened to radiohead. by myself. fuck my…