Kids

March 1, 2024

Lost Valley

Lost manuscripts recovered from a cairn in New Mexico.

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Kids: Full Design

And now the Nassau Weekly is back again, thinking about girls, thinking about animals, and thinking about the internet.

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A Note from the Editor-In-Chief

CW: suicide   It’s an unfortunate structural reality that the Nass appears in print about two weeks after we collect the content that makes up the magazine. Enough time elapses to generally inhibit committed journalistic work or timely commentary on campus … Read More

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Nass Recommends: Chuquimamani Condori’s DJ E

A cathartic, eardrum-exploding record from Bolivian “epic collage” artist Chuquimamani Condori

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Nass Recommends: The Alcohol Initiative’s Magic: The Gathering Club

An encounter at a semi-regular gathering of trading card game enthusiasts.

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Something Different

Bear is late to his Standard Evening Meetup with Rabbit, a Samovar, and the Stars

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The Many Rhythms of Devonne Piccaver

A profile of a first-year rowing recruit in an unfamiliar milieu

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Picture of Sharon Lowe

Stories Worth Telling: Sharon Lowe on Preserving the Nassau Weekly

Cleaning the subterranean Nass Room and reflecting on the magazine’s prehistory

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Morning Prayer

Morning Prayer Little red psalm books that we gathered from a rack like basketballs: sometimes I would get three or four, for my friends, a utopian gesture of plenty that was received passively, the cheap worn covers sliding across the … Read More

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I’m Moving Out of the Internet

I’m moving offline. I really mean it this time. After writing this essay on a cloud-connected word processor, you’ll never see me surfing these waves again.

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Ancestral Burdens

“Oh, Alexita! I thought you were just fat, but I see the baby bulge.” She continued crying as she spoke, drying her tears on Alexandra.”

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That Girl

That girl walks for thirty minutes at twelve incline and three speed on the treadmill while drinking one of her goal-three Stanley-cup tumblers of water and journals when she’s out of the shower where she shaved her underarms and legs and vulva with a vanilla bodyscrub.

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Verbatim

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Overheard while discussing DDA

OA veteran: Mandatory affinity group is segregation. That is literally the definition. 

Overheard during Room Draw

Secular folklorist: We should get one of those rooms with a shared bathroom. 

Biblical muddlehead: Oh, you mean an Adam and Eve?

Overheard in East Pyne

Slavic professor probing his students: I am being kind of a jerk here, but that's the point.

Overheard through the Gram

Chill-ass chiller, chillingly: Last night was such a fever dream. Everything happened yet nothing did.

Overheard on a Tuesday

Perceptive professor: So many things often feel accidental… like being gay or whatever. Or the Metamorphosis.

Overheard while waiting (for elevator)

Elevator eunuch: I’m not very patient, but I’m also not a walker…especially upstairs.

Overheard in eating club

Brave white woman: Can you stop talking, because I haven't liked anything you've said for the past hour.

Overheard in NCW

Just a girl brewing tea: Guys, life is about making beverages.

Overheard in a classroom

Sedatephobic professor: If you’re not talking I’m going to keep talking. I fear a vacuum.

Overheard in group chat

Dreamer: In my dream, my mom sliced my head open with a hammer/knife and then we were running around everywhere, and my head was just bleeding, and I was happy. I didn’t like it.

Overheard in Coffee Club

Beautiful, innocent, sweet, and doe-eyed brunette: Could I please have a steamed lemonade, stud?
Big-boned stallion man: Coming right up, sugartits.

Overheard one night

Avid Nass reader: Be honest guys, do you ever make up verbatims?
Nass member: No, noooo….why would we ever do that?
Avid Nass reader, nodding pensively: Sometimes they’re just too funny to be true.