Chi phi senior, to young woman: I’ve thought about it, and I think I’m okay with being sexually objectified.
Sophomore sorority sister: I don’t want to be SAE hazed, I want to be AEPi hazed.
White male junior: I wonder if it’s hard being pregnant.
Chi Phi 1: I need a spitter.
Chi Phi 2: Spit on the ground dude, it’s East Asia.
US soldier, on broken down train: This is like asking a girl to Netflix and chill and then turning on Youtube.
Other soldier: Man, do you know how many movies you can find on Youtbe?
German major: Dude, with your outfit you couldn’t even get into Berghain.
Future diplomat: When I got hosed from Tower, my parents bought me a huge supply of canned food.
Nerd: Not more than ten minutes on the freeway, I somehow get t-boned and my trebuchet is in ruins.
Radical feminist: The problem is that I'm a TI bro in the body of a girl with a tight vagina.