Shake Your Tree

October 17, 2015

Nasstrology

Aries: The year will change like a woman in the dark like an angel inverting into the opposite of God and there are men who will not be able to help but break the skin of it with their feet, a metaphor an English major is already analyzing for a JP somewhere.

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Priviliged Little Gay Boy

“Privileged Little Gay Boy” began as an idea for a blog that was, quite fittingly, conceived of at brunch.

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Take Me to Chvrch

The moment I first lent my ears to a band on stage, I fell deeply in love. Live music has always been my route to something more, supplying me with a sense of rapture a sermon or a nature walk could never quite compare to.

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Kim Meets Pope

Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò pushes Kim Davis through a set of oak double doors. She teeters on her kitten heels, stumbling into a dark, velvety interior. She blinks, swirls of smoke stinging her eyes and clouding her vision, and sneezes. … Read More

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Photographic Memory

I have 5,570 photos on my iPhone from this summer in New York. That’s probably at least 4,570 more than I need.

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Packet Media

Just two weeks ago, the Princeton Packet announced that it would be permanently shutting down commercial printing services at its Witherspoon Street facility. For decades, the paper had printed the Nassau Weekly, the Daily Princetonian, and press releases for a number of local businesses, in addition to their own weekly publication.

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Education as Spectacle

The second day of school was harder than expected. After purchasing my freakishly heavy textbooks from Labyrinth and grabbing a cup of coffee, I figured it was time to plan out the rest of my afternoon. First order of business: take a nap. Second order of business: at least try to print out the problem set due in two days.

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Have You in My Wilderness

Julia Holter’s music has always suggested a crossroads between what is accessible and alienating; what is pop and what is confident, modern composition. In Have You in My Wilderness, she has sought to directly accommodate both styles, and to move away from the aural and thematic structures that characterized much of her earlier albums.

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Traveling While Branded

For as long as I can remember, what people wear when they fly has fascinated me. My mother was a flight attendant, and whenever I saw her in uniform (pale blue blouse, dark navy slacks and vest, blazer with two silver stripes on the sleeves, wings and American flag pin on the breast) I knew she was going to leave.

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Rose Hips and Judgment in Hermeneutics

Walking down Nassau Street last Wednesday towards my home on Bank Street, I passed a tall young man wearing short shorts and speaking French to a shorter young man wearing short shorts. The tall man had a red tote bag slung over his shoulder. I had no choice but to follow him.

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Teloveision

Harvey is 82. He is a former member of the Welsh Guard who wears a dandelion on his lapel, and he is “not ready to give up on love or life.” This is why he is here, on my screen, a participant in the British Channel 4 reality show “First Dates.”

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Title Fight with Narcissism

Marc Maron seemed to me an incongruous choice for a Princeton lecturer. Having watched some of his standup, I knew him to be both raucously funny and intensely personal, traits which aren’t particularly in demand on this campus.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in a UWS restaurant

Girl, in line for the bathroom: I’m hanging out with Sigmas and they don’t understand my life. Like, I can order a Bloody Mary whenever I want.

Overheard in Forbes dining hall

Insightful freshman male, to female counterpart: I think I’m a little too much of an atheist to believe in god.

Overheard on Facebook

Jewish grandmother: I am very proud of you that you are considered for the Shapiro Prize. I sent you vitamins and you will receive them on Friday. Plese pick it up as soon as you can and take on every day. Luv u.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Sorority sister: I read a book a Japanese woman wrote that says you should only keep material goods that bring you pure joy...The green juice from Tico’s brings me pure joy.

Overheard in the Prince

Columnist: Often underclassmen will go together to the PUID clubs.

Overheard outside Marquand

Senior girl, on phone: Theoretically, I’m doing homework.

Overheard in Pyne

Senior Theta: Ugh, I accidentally brought a water bottle full of vodka to the gym today.

Overheard during a meeting

Independent and future diplomat: I don’t want to learn how to cook because I want to be able to tell people that I’m the "canned food guy."

Overheard in Terrace

Brit, on Keats: I’ve seen his death mask in person and I have to say, he’s not that good-looking .

Overheard in Terrace

Rabbi’s brother: My body is a synagogue.

Overheard at Studio 34

Male feminist: I’m going to abort this Princeton Pro-Life poster.

Overheard at Ivy

Junior Zete, boastfully: I don’t get hungover. Once I thought I had a hangover, but it was actually a really bad case of blue balls.

Overheard outside Capmandu

RCA, in line: Is that one of my zees that just cut the line? I’m gonna end him, I’m gonna end him!!!

Overheard at Ivy

Beleaguered Pi Phi junior: Ugh, I have to dry clean my boyfriend’s shirt now.

Overheard in Dillon locker room

6-year-old, singing: I only want you to touch me, not feel me, when I’m fed up, that’s the real me.

Overheard in Pyne

Junior fratter, on brotherhood: The secret is this: close enough to get a bid, not close enough to be called as a character witness at their inevitable sexual assault trial.

Overheard at Goldman Sachs

Tiger Inn alum ‘79: I went to the mountains and you know what they told me? (Whispers) Sell bonds.