First-year suburbanite: My mental subtext is all angst.
Terrace senior male: I slept like a baby's butt last night.
Gay male: What’s the name of that gay acapella group?
Former Tigression: You mean the Nassoons?
Senior girl: There’s more sex happening in nursing homes than on this campus.
Softspoken VIS student: In general, I don't like sleeping.
Hopeless romantic: If Jeffers was a religion, I would convert.
Pi Phi junior: I run to one song, and one song only. “Work, bitch,” by Britney Spears.
Girl on phone: Yeah yeah I know he wasn't a good idea… *pause* I can't help it, you know what Patagonia pullovers do to me!
Triple-legacy Southern White Girl: I don't think the athletes deserve to be here.
Wealthy black '18 alumna: I'm definitely a fauxgressive... I want to live in a white neighborhood and bring down their property values.
Girl #1: So what’s your rating?
Girl #2, from LA: On Uber?
Girl describing pick-ups: So I’m sitting there, and my Wheat Thin’s getting sweaty…
Texan dude: He's the most Austin person ever. He's been married to a man for 20 years but he votes Republican.
Former Ivy social chair: I don't know how to express my desire to DJ without sounding like a boner.
Girl: All my life I prayed for boobs. And God gave me boobs. But then He made butts come into fashion. I forgot to pray for a butt.
Fed up lab TA: I fully condone the use of violence against students.
Shapiro Scholar: I wish I completed things in time to proofread them.
Fitness betch 1: Have you ever tried Flywheel?
Fitness betch 2: Oh girl, ALL the women in my family BELONG to Flywheel. Happy Women's Day, bitches.
Freshman boy #1: Wawa is practically the twelfth eating club.
Freshman boy #2: Are you talking about Wawa United?