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September 27, 2020

Verbatim

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Overheard in a GroupMe

RCA, about a college T-shirt: The only time I will touch that shirt is when there is a spill that needs to be cleaned up.

Overheard in Quarantined House

Sister approaching mental breakdown: I swear to God if there's food in there I will slap-
Sister removing a ziploc bag from a drawer: No, it's just hair.

Overheard on the Phone

Young Theologian: Since when does God occupy that kind of real-estate in my mind? At most he can come over for drinks on the patio sometimes.

Overheard at the Kitchen Table

White Boy: I think a lot of other pasty white people besides me are also in love with Phoebe Bridgers
Taiwanese-Mexican Boy: Wait, what does pasty mean? Is that like WASP-y?

Overheard in Seminar

Comp Lit Professor: I don't care about French.

Overheard in the Streets of Philly

Dude 1: This is the smoothest vape around.
Dude 2: That's like the worst sentence I've ever heard.

Overheard after Precept

Yung Democrat: You dated someone who wasn't even registered to vote!

Overheard during Global History of Monsters Lecture

Monster Rights Activist: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CONVINCE ME THAT THE ONE AT FAULT HERE IS CHUPACABRA'S MOM

Overheard in Bible as Literature Precept

Neuroscience major: "Authoritarianism isn't always bad."

Overheard in Florida Suburbia

Aggressive Feminist: You know how men used to take off their glove and throw it on the ground to declare war? I feel like women should just *violently gestures to remove bra and throw it on the ground*

Overheard in Florida Suburbia

Jaded Younger Sister: You know, when I say that I'm going to fail a test, I actually do. Next time, commit

Overheard on a farm in Georgia

Stoned Junior Girl: Drunk driving is my fantasy

Crossword

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