RCA, about a college T-shirt: The only time I will touch that shirt is when there is a spill that needs to be cleaned up.
Sister approaching mental breakdown: I swear to God if there's food in there I will slap-
Sister removing a ziploc bag from a drawer: No, it's just hair.
Young Theologian: Since when does God occupy that kind of real-estate in my mind? At most he can come over for drinks on the patio sometimes.
White Boy: I think a lot of other pasty white people besides me are also in love with Phoebe Bridgers
Taiwanese-Mexican Boy: Wait, what does pasty mean? Is that like WASP-y?
Comp Lit Professor: I don't care about French.
Dude 1: This is the smoothest vape around.
Dude 2: That's like the worst sentence I've ever heard.
Yung Democrat: You dated someone who wasn't even registered to vote!
Monster Rights Activist: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CONVINCE ME THAT THE ONE AT FAULT HERE IS CHUPACABRA'S MOM
Neuroscience major: "Authoritarianism isn't always bad."
Aggressive Feminist: You know how men used to take off their glove and throw it on the ground to declare war? I feel like women should just *violently gestures to remove bra and throw it on the ground*
Jaded Younger Sister: You know, when I say that I'm going to fail a test, I actually do. Next time, commit
Stoned Junior Girl: Drunk driving is my fantasy