Category: Humor

Nass List: Forgive me Father, for I have…

worn my heart on my sleeve turned around so fast my butt made a clapping noise  fallen off gooned  Been a freak Matched your freak Ordered a bride on doordash Been a mail order bride Been a weirdo. I don’t … Read More

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Lag Time Blues

The week before the United States general election, we solicited short-form narrative nonfiction submissions from the Nassau Weekly community. We hoped to gather and serialize scenes, images, and glimpses from Election Day and the following week. We asked writers to … Read More

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Nass List: What’s Your Type?

What’s our type?

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Room for Romance? Residential Colleges and Their Dating Prospects

Mathey / Rocky  They’re objectively beautiful. Cultured. Nuanced. The only problem is our age gap.    I really like their history lectures, but I worry our relationship can only exist in les amphithéâtres. They drink their coffee black, they enjoy … Read More

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Dating, in Five Metaphors

A Nass writer pulls out the real multiplicity of love in five little analogies

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Spooky Mysteries I May or May Not Be Able to Clear up for You

Documenting some of the spookier mysteries that psychically afflict this Nass writer

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My Thoughts are Running Away

A Nass writer beams 24 thoughts straight from his brain to yours

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My Drugs

In a ‘very special issue’ of the Nassau Weekly, we’re attempting to tackle one of the most controversial topics in recent history: drugs. Are we the first publication to do this? No. Will we be the last? I mean, I’d … Read More

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The 3rd Nassau Weekly Smut Competition

CW: This is some gross stuff.

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DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT: A Personal(ish) History of Fanfiction

“Now that it’s mainstream, it’s hard for me to reconcile the subcultural nature of fanfiction and fan spaces with its ever-increasing visibility. For almost a decade, I’ve been so entrenched in fan culture that it surprises me when someone doesn’t know what Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics entail.”

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11 Fall Break Movie Reviews

Yooo, fall break was a movie…

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Hey, Big Vape! Make These Flavors Next

New Vape Flavors Vagina Ice Sweaty Ballsack Gelato Razzmatazz Orgy Rush Strawberry Strap-on Delight American Spirit Blue Ice Milk Tyra Banks Better Than Sex Hard Boiled Egg Ice Carbonara Lemonade Black Mold Blue Cheese Smoke Chromium Alloy Poop Charisma Uniqueness … Read More

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