Theta, on boyfriend: He always tries to get me something unique and different...But I’m not a unique and different person!
Music aficionado: “Did you know that Chick Corea made an album with L. Ron Hubbard?”
Friend, googling: “Of course it’s called Space Jazz.”
Ivy senior: my medieval teacher sprained her back picking up one of her dachshunds so class is only for an hour!
Cap junior: When I graduate from Princeton, the GroupMe is gonna be my biggest accomplishment.
Former EIC, reflecting: Sometimes I read the stuff I wrote and I’m like... I didn’t write anything crazy but... definitely imperialist!
Gay-passing pedant: You called Chris’s biceps “glistening”?
Woman: What word would you use?
Gay-passing pedant: Bulging, gargantuan, varicose, veiny.
Girl with a nice smile: “I want to have the mouth that one has when they don’t have teeth but have dentures.”
Cardigan-wearing man, confidently: Once we know how to sail, piracy’s the easy part.
Disgruntled professor: So, which image do you want to talk about?
Disgruntled professor, after about 10 seconds of uncomfortable silence: Okay, I guess democracy is bad then.
Wandering Theta junior: "I was conceived on 9/11, the day of America's greatest tragedy."
Princeton Economics Professor Harvey Rosen: Capitalism without losses is like Christianity without Hell.
President George W. Bush: Harvey, stick to economics.
Cottage cheese & tinned fish fangirl: I’m trying to eat more elderly people foods.
Gossip-loving soph: So I heard Peter Singer is a nudist. He also has a secret cheese drawer, because he's vegan.
Politically informed girl, watching the debate: You know who was hot? Franklin Pierce.
Stressed-out sophomore: I'll be honest, I think I probably have a solid cry about once a month. Usually in the shower. Put on some sad music and just go for it. That way I'm not wasting time. I mean, we all have to shower.
Girl, looking at boy’s recent social media activity: HAHAHA oh my god I’m hollering. I literally don’t care. I want to go home. I want to go home and be alone. I want be at home, alone, in my bed. I want to be alone forever.
Woman 1: It's crazy how easy it is to have a civil, friendly meal with people you profoundly dislike.
Woman 2, cheerfully: That's the magic of TI!
Professor, on most recent paper assignment: There are some people, I think, who would benefit from a deeper understanding of writing and what it is.
Math major: I think I like boba just because I subconsciously like balls in my mouth
Freshman boy 1: Now that I’m cool with the Jewish community at Princeton I need to get in with the blacks.
Freshman boy 2: Yeah, you could be like, “Happy Purim, what’s happening Mordecai my dude?” And be good with everyone.
Terrace alum/community auditor, class of '61: The first thing I learned when I got to Princeton was that not all the goyim are dumb!