The Very Hungry Frosh

September 7, 2023


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Overheard on transatlantic flight

Captain, on the overhead announcements: If you’re from England, congratulations to your soccer team on advancing in the Women’s world cup!

British flight attendant, two minutes later: Sorry about our captain, he’s American. He meant football.

Overheard on a Saturday morning

Guy on the couch: Shut up, you can wallow at Top Golf.

Overheard in the office

Boomer coworker: I’m not on Slack, I’m a conscientious objector.

Overheard in summer housing

Heartbroken roommate: I just downloaded TikTok to look at a few videos about how to have a friend with benefits.

Overheard in line for shift meal

Beautiful, simple, and delicious server: It’s a shame you’re going to have to undergo double amputation for your shin splints. But hey, maybe you’ll become like an Oscar Pistorius type.

Overheard on Minecraft date

Girl: You’re so much more talkative in Minecraft than in real life.

Gamer: This is my happy place.

Overheard in the airport

5 year old: How many hours are in the day?

7 year old: 13 and a half.

5 year old: Oh right.

Overheard in a later afternoon text

Another dreamerboy: I had this wild dream that you died in a fire, and Coffee Club was planning a memorial service, and I was asked to make a specialty comp lit themed drink for the occasion.

Overheard in an early morning text

Dreamerboy: Last night I had a dream that we were parting ways, never to see each other again, and you held up your hand to me and said “Hey man, grand slam.”

Overheard on the phone

Progressive: It’s weird, because sometimes fascists identify the same problems with liberalism that I do, but then I’m like, ‘Wait a minute, I don’t like you.’

Overheard during summer internship

Drama-hungry boss: I could set you up with [coworker].

21 year-old intern: Isn’t he 32?

Boss: So? His uncle is the president of the company.