“Woodstock incubates the mosquitoes in the garage, which is uninsulated and hot in the summer. It’s recycling day, and he pours allotments of pond water into empty gallon jugs.”
This week, something strange happened, and the only way to tell which way is right-side up is by blowing bubbles from our mouths and seeing which direction they float. How do we reorient? Per usual, we can turn towards the … Read More
It’s absolutely true that this is the first time we’ve ever run a Halloween issue, and for a magazine as historically elaborate and artifactual as the Nassau Weekly, it’s a sort of mystifying reality. We scoured the dread tomes that … Read More
I’m often reminded of the Nass EIC under whose honeyed and analgesic administration I worked as a staff writer my freshman year. This guy who studied comp lit and sat in the leather armchair that the Nass houses in the … Read More
A list of things you can find under this rock: Anti-hegelians, anti-Deleuzians, negation, Gummo, cats, cryptids, the original Planet of the Apes sequels, psilocybin, Chestnut blight, dutch elm disease, emerald ash borer beetle, the Great American Tree, Jim Morrisons’s … Read More
One of the least nassholish ideas that I hold dear to myself is that, in the end, we will be delivered. Forces beyond our knowing care for us in ways that our slimy, underdeveloped sensory organs cannot appreciate so frequently. … Read More
My summer vacation felt like a body. Mine felt like a river. It’s generally useful to build up a number of unreasonably applicable metaphors that seem to withdraw profundity from just about everything. It’s the only way you’ll produce what … Read More
One or several elephants: this final issue’s back cover, which looks like a full-page ad for PNC bank because it is. We’d ask that you hereafter refrain from calling The Nass anything other than PNC Bank Presents the Nassau Weekly. … Read More
One sad thing about the Letter From the Editor as form is that I never receive a reply. So I’ve begun constructing the image of a child-sized, glow-in-the-dark reader in my head. Importantly, this patient reader has a mouth, and … Read More
The other week, a dealer–who up until this point had seemed demure and cryptically cosmopolitan in this very European way–messaged me, “In years past, I had everything all the time.” Me and my friends laughed for a while. Then, things … Read More
When people say spring has sprung, they actually mean it has emerged from inside itself. Spring has ejected from its own abdomen through a lovely, vulvic little déchirure in the side. The whole thing sounded exactly like you’d think it … Read More
