Nassau Weekly

Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I’m not sure I’m on board with that.

Guy (talking about the Performative Male Contest): I just don’t see why women find that kind of man attractive.

Straight Girl with heteronormative tendencies: Well, makes sense, because if you found that attractive, you’d be gay.

Guy: I AM GAY

Professor with a pixie cut: So what does GDP stand for?

Backwards-hat-wearing econ major junior: Can I phone a friend?

Middle-aged Japanese Princeton Parent: The shooter’s dad turned him in? You know, I would have just found you some dude like Jesse had in El Camino. That is some white people stuff to turn your own kid in.

Student with an undiscovered Oedipus complex: ChatGPT is like a god and a mother, and my lover.

Jewish girlfriend: Like, what is your deal, big G? God’s children don’t really have a great track record. Besides Jesus, but he’s like the Sean Lennon to Lucifer’s Julian.

Protestant-raised Princetonian: We are all Julian Lennon in the eyes of God…

American: Sam was watching an Albanian version of Jersey Shore, like, with Albanian people.

Clueless: Look at all these little girls you can have.

55-year-old man: I think Miranda July is the greatest writer of our generation.

Traveler: “What would you recommend I do here”

Receptionist: “Go clubbing, make new friends, and please try to avoid saying ‘I’m just here for the history.’”