Queen of Theta: I want to delete my Theta profile pics. I don't want people to know that about me.
Overeager frosh: I want to be North West's personal assistant when I graduate from law school.
Senior woman: Scandinavia’s great, but it’s so homogenous that if you show up and you’re short, fat and you have brown hair, they’re going to be like…no.
Newcomer: Are you talking about Pi Phi?
Nass frosh: He thought he was throwing up from Juul withdrawals but really he has a stomach bug.
Fuckboy, to feminist: I feel like at this point your definition of “fuckboy” is so broad that it applies to any male person.
Managing Editor: I was too bashful to say “penis” as a kid. Until I was 14, I said “pen fifteen.”
Lesbian, screaming: I COULD HAVE A BUSH… I DON’T WANT ONE!
Long Island native: My parents conceived me at HBS, so I basically had to get in.
Nanny: We can't buy this right now. It's too much money
Six-year-old: It's okay. We'll just get Daddy's credit card.
White man, probably: Write for the TORY: A Journal of Conservative and Moderate (really!) Thought.
Senior Washed-Up Aries: I'm still tryna figure out if he's into me or if he's just over-caffeinated.
Self-assured frosh after getting pass to TI: I'm not a social climber if I'm already at the top.
Flamboyant senior boy: After a long day of reading Freud, I felt so awkward asking the Frist mailman for my package.
“Woke” junior white girl, studying for American cinema: The movie is interesting because of the slave thing.
Self-assured frosh to friend group: I'll take care of you guys, but apparently the first time you smoke it it doesn't affect you!
Member of class of 2016: My verbatim tag was always “senior theta.” I’m so much more than that.
Manspreading, overconfident Ivy bickeree: It's not really manspreading unless your pants rip.
Senior Anscombe President: I wasn't talking about penis qua penis. I was talking about penis qua biological feature!