God’s Plan B

February 25, 2018

Speaking for the Trees

An arboreal oasis and its legislated neighbor wrestle with their tie to history, told through winding roots and fallen leaves.

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A Tale of Two Clubs

“At Princeton, joining an eating club is like being a meat-eater: it’s a commonplace practice that has become the norm, but we feel there’s something morally iffy about the whole enterprise.”

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The Rise and Fall of the Tide Pod

“The pods are designed to wash your clothing and maybe even scent them with subtle lavender, not to satisfy an uncontrollable sweet tooth or the adventurous eater in your family.”

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Robert George, Polish Law, and the Obsession with Discourse

“It is fantastic that Professor George supports free speech and open discourse—his track record on that subject speaks for itself—and he is correct that this law’s criminalization of speech should be loudly condemned; however, it is not enough to defend free speech by itself.”

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Verbatim

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Overheard on iMessage

Would-be male feminist, at 2 a.m.: Hey
Would-be male feminist, at 2 p.m.: So...

Overheard in Wilcox

Angry frosh: The thing I hate the most about the US military is ROTC taking up valuable space in the egg line.

Overheard at Fields Center

Senior woman: You should go for him. Your college shelf-life aligns with his relationship longevity.

Overheard in Tower

ORFE senior: I’m a Wall Street Journal Democrat.

Overheard at the waxing salon

Young spiritualist: I could never be in a relationship with a very religious man because I would feel like God or Jesus was in between us.

Overheard in Frist

Zete pledge: I think they should make pledging a requirement…like writing sem.

Overheard at a Nass Meeting

Black market aficionado: We should all get roosters so we can fight them in the Nass room.

Overheard in Lewis Library

Fratty soph: TI is becoming the new Campus Club. They're never on tap anymore.

Overheard in Starbucks

International student, wearing Victoria Beckham knockoff sunglasses: Ugh I hate Frist, it’s so quotidien.

Overheard in a newsroom

Neurotic copy editor, dryly: Nothing in my body works, so I cover it up with makeup and a positive attitude.

Overheard in Firestone

Surprisingly uninformed New Yorker: You know, some of the stock market is down.

Overheard at Valentine’s Day dinner

Religiously-raised lover nursing a gin and tonic: I once thought about God watching me masturbate and then I stopped believing in God.

Overheard on the New Jersey Turnpike

Glee sophomore: I had my sexual awakening at choir camp.

Overheard in Writing Center:

Prepubescent-looking frosh: I don’t write papers, I roll them.

Overheard outside Firestone

Enlightened upperclassman: Sophomore year, mono saved me from being an alcoholic.

Overheard in Carl A. Fields Center

Terrace dropout: Who do I have to sleep with to get off the 2D waitlist?

Overheard while listening to Vampire Weekend’s “Diplomat’s Son”

White boy, completely seriously: Oh, man. This is my absolute shit. What a fucking banger.

Overheard in Ivy

Pi Phi woman in STEM: I took a breath of marijuana and time stopped.