Girl With Beautiful Hair: I don’t think she’s ever experienced discomfort in her life. Well, except for when I caused her discomfort.
Freshly Back From A Trip Abroad: No one wanted us there…but they were friendly.
A Hater: I love hating. I love so many things honestly too, but I think it's really hard to get a reputation as a lover.
Likes to Mix It Up: The three kinds of music I’m always listening to are harsh noise, jazz, and Midwest emo.
Bored Mom, about NYT Spelling Bee: I got genius once and then I was hooked, like drugs.
Humanities Student: I don’t think I’ve ever had to study for an exam.
Professor: There was once a time, and I know you guys don’t remember this, where if you wanted something to turn on you flipped a switch.
Striped-shirt straight guy: I’ve never met a bisexual guy I didn’t find annoying.
170-pound man: "It's a little confusing, because cumming on someone is not really complimentary."
Socialist poet: I hate to say it, but mass democracy was a great mistake for America.
Professor: Here is a little tip about 19th century literature. When you see … … What does that mean? It means they had sex!
Google Calendar Warrior: I don’t have time for lunch today but you can walk with me from New South to East Pyne between 10:50 and 11:00 if you want to talk.
Overworked therapist: I’m sorry your kid died but I need a break.
An angsty 15-year old boy: Every day I shake my fist at the world a little more.
Complit Major: Having French 101 at 12:30 everyday has ruined my social life.