It has been brought to our attention that one of you, no need to mention who, has already lost his pledge pin. pledges, this is unacceptable. for this you will be raped as an example to the other pledges. as is customary, a few of us will convene to elect a team of 9 brothers that will systematically but ruthlessly run train on your brown ass. subsequently, you will be beaten with an extension chord [sic] at our discretion. i think it goes without saying that the ceremonies will conclude with the wearing of the persian eye
goggles, i.e. the resting of our scrotums over your eyes. if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to go and fuck yourself.
Overheard on a certain fraternity email list
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Freshman year she called, crying
Freshman year she called, crying We’ll never know what it was or how it came to be. She never showed the signs on her stomach and the signs she wore long on her face were those of the boy hands always drawing on her. Move miles away, we told her, across the rivers and mountains,…
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Jenny McPhee Is Diabolical
A Nass editor gets dinner with Jenny McPhee and talks growing up, teaching, and translating the Pope
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Nasshole Freakly: Full Design
This week, like most weeks, the Nass looks inward. Find a copy around campus, or click the link here to view the full design!
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Dishwashing Ethnography
The Nass turns its anthropological gaze to the more-than-human: this time, a dishwasher
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A Horse Walks Into a Bar
A horse walks into a bar. The Bartender says, “Why the long face?” “Well,” the horse says, “it’s my life.” “What about your life,” the bartender says, “What’s the story?” “That’s just it,” says the horse, “I don’t have a story. I’m a horse, And I’m like all the other horses, and all the…
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Girls (after Jamaica Kincaid’s 1978 “Girl”)
Even if it’s sticky outside, bring a sweater if you’re going to ride the subway at night; your clothes are too tight, change before you leave; your clothes are too loose, they don’t do you any favors; if you’re being followed, don’t go home, stay calm, call a friend on the phone, walk into a…
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Yesterday’s Coffee
“The first time I saw the house for itself—not as the house two doors down, but as the house that could be parent’s—was the estate sale. Here, the relics of a life.”
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The Second Life of U.S. Steel
A Nass reporter ventures as far as Arkansas to document new developments in the green steel industry
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These Months, Which Have Been Some of the Fastest of My Life: Full Design
After a brief holiday, the Nass is back slinging steel, learning Russian, and falling in love. Find a copy around campus or read the full design online here!