Freshman girl #1: I’ve been trying to eat healthy lately…it’s really expensive and it goes bad really quickly.
Guy: No preservatives. Twinkies, like a fine wine, get better over the years.
Freshman girl #2: What happens to tofu when it goes bad?
Guy: It turns into meat.
Overheard at late dinner
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The Crybaby
“She never quite found the words to explain it, but her tears didn’t come from a place of empathy—rather, they reflected something missing inside her.”
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Soft Spots
“He wondered if this was the closest he would ever get to her and if that was such a terrible thing.”
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“You’ve got to stand up”: Kenneth Roth on shaping the future of human rights advocacy at Princeton
The warm glow of lamplight flickered across the wine-colored walls of Kenneth Roth’s New York City apartment as students trickled in, their gazes landing on the framed sketches lining the living room. Unlike typical works of art, these drawings—etched in crayon on simple white paper—painted a tragic yet powerful report. Sudanese children, displaced by war,…
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Pearly Whites
As my pearly whites crunch into the powdered sugar, chew it like thick, hot sand, as my tongue melts it to stained glass, as I pray to baby Jesus sucking on his lollipop, as his first molar waits to come in it looks around the gums and sees sheep, wise old men, myrrh, screams, as…
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Nuclear Winter: Full Design
There’s a war on bad magazines, and we’re waging it full-force. Find a copy around campus, or view the full design below!
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The Art of Complaining
There’s a time and place for complaining for Ev Wellmon, and The Nassau Weekly is it.
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On the Prowl for Some Geriarchs
Until The Nassau Weekly’s expiration date, Mia Mann-Shafir needs an octogenarian.