The Nass 100

September 21, 2006

The Nass 100

1. Natalee Holloway. 2. James Taylor, and the giant pussies who love James Taylor. 3. Wasps who give “spiels”. 4. My roommates using my Ann Coulter poster as a jizz-rag. 5. That one kid who finished Infinite Jest. 6. Vaguely … Read More

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Get Inspired! Get Informed! Get Retarded! With The Dorm Room Diet!

Forget about Atkins. Don’t give South Beach or any other fad diets a second thought. Here’s the crème-de-la-crème for you: The Dorm Room Diet (Newmarket Press, $16.95, 240p.) by Daphne Oz ’08, without any of those fancy letters after her name denoting medical credentials and expertise. But don’t worry, she’ll help you succeed and make a killing doing it.

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A Few of My Favorite Things…?

In the spirit of this week’s issue, I’ve been thinking about a number of things in pop culture that I seem to like for no apparent reason. Sometimes I hate myself for enjoying the following things, but enjoy them I do, however much guilt I may feel.

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Heavy in the Loafers

The political history of South Carolina is full of funny stories. Yet amid a landscape scarred by utter military catastrophe, deep racial injustice, and still bitter historical tragedy, these stories seem sometimes not so funny. Or maybe they’re funnier. During the presidency of Franklin Pierce, Congressman Preston Brooks cudgeled Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner nearly to death with his cane.

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The Nass Weekly’s Weekly Diet

Hey there, Students. Are you feeling a little, well, chubbly-wubbly? Are your ankles a bit cankly? Are your hips bulbous and obscene? Are your cheeks filled to bursting with pie? Here at the Nassau Weekly we feel comfortable enough to … Read More

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Verbatim

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Overheard in ENG 317

Guy: I love Renaissance poetry- Donne, Byron, Keats, Yeats. I like 'em all. I write my own poetry too sometimes but it's more modern.

Overheard at Target

Target Checker: That will be $12.63.
Nass Editor-in-Chief: Um, I think you'll notice on the sticker that the lampshade is actually priced at $0.00.
Target Checker: That was a mistake. You are not getting this lampshade for free.
Nass EIC: I'm a Jew.
Target Checker: Do you want to buy the lampshade?
Nass EIC: No.

Overheard at an arch sing after a particular solo

Girl: My vagina just fainted.

Overheard in CWR 303

Girl: Why do people become pediatricians?
Joyce Carol Oates: Is it because they're pedophiles?

Overheard in Nass Office while laying out Nass 100

Publisher 1: Looks like Joyce needs to get a little bit thinner!

Overheard in Nass Office while writing Nass 100

Publisher 2: Are there any snack foods I haven't eaten yet?

Overheard at 50th Reunion dinner while plates are bussed

Very Old Man 1: You better go get your stuff, we're being displaced.
VOM 2: I feel like a Palestinian.