PRINCETON WINS!

March 26, 2023

Fun Fact: Rocky/Mathey Trivia is Downright Cutthroat

Tensions run high at the Wednesday-night event.

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PRINCETON WINS!: Full Design

This week, the Nass triumphs athletically, fails intellectually, and eats the entire lemon.

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From Sleepers to Sweepers: Princeton Curling’s Unlikely Redemption Arc

A dark horse of college curling finally receives their flowers.

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Au

Last night I ingested my mother’s gold in hopes it would bring value to every worthless part of my body   I brought her bangles to my teeth and bit them so hard I drew blood holding them under my tongue … Read More

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On Lemons

The lemon was precious, as was every morsel of food that entered one’s house. I was raised to shudder at the mere thought of throwing away anything on my plate, encouraged to catch all the stray grains of kasha and watching my dad soak up every last bit of soup in his plate with the bread my mum baked like clockwork every few days.

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Protest

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Verbatim

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Overheard in the Newark Airport

Grunge frosh, reading Dante: “This feels like Bob Dylan.”

Overheard in an eating club

Flushed partygoer: “We look like we’ve been drinking, but really we’re just sweaty from air hockey.”

Overheard in a Chaste Newsroom

Resigned reporter: “The sex scandal is that I haven’t had sex.”

Overheard in Firestone

Thesising senior: “We’ll see if I become a raging fiend of productivity in the next thirty minutes.”

Overheard at Terrace

Dedicated student: "Sometimes I sit out in the cold and don't let myself get warm until I'm done with my reading."

Overheard at Small World

Encouraging professor to grad student: “You could do a study of the healing effects of coffee shops!”

Overheard on a philosophical evening

History major: “I will say, the French were PRETTY atheist once they got over being pretty Catholic.”

Overheard in an intimate friendship

Sex-starved senior: “Do you ever get an orgasm when you figure out a good transition in your thesis?”

Overheard at Forbes

Second-year premed: “I couldn’t figure out how to fit my life into a writing sem formula and it almost broke me.”

Overheard at Small World

Economics grad student: “Look at it this way… rich people always want more houses!”

Overheard in Firestone

Gay 1: “She's wavering on Terrace, I've heard.”

Gay 2: “We can't let that happen. We can't.”

Overheard in a food kitchen

Vindictive volunteer: “I’m not really a community service type of girl.”

Overheard on a Thursday

Marxist: “One of my great contradictions is that I have populist airs but read the New York Book Review.”

Overheard while making evening plans

Fearful fun-seeker: “We can’t go to a dive bar. What if somebody asks me to arm wrestle?”

Sympathetic friend: “That will probably happen.”

Fearful fun-seeker: “Fine. Let me get a pump in.”

Overheard on iMessage

Newly single girl: “What’s the deal with the male gaze these days? What are you guys into?”

Man with gaze: “A woman wearing something shiny or maybe having something jangly like keys will catch my attention twice as often as a conventionally beautiful woman.”