First-Person Scooter

March 5, 2023

First-Person Scooter: Full Design

This week, the Nass surveys a hostile world, finds meaning in the senseless, and explores new ways to heal.


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Overheard in a disturbingly public area

Lovebird 1: I’ll be your shark

Lovebird 2: I’ll be your grim reaper

Overheard in Feliciano

Zee 1: What IS a chill pill in the real world?

Sagacious RCA: Xanax

Zee 2: Do you need a prescription for that?

Overheard during an Uno game

Man in t-shirt: I feel underdressed for this Uno game

Overheard the night before dean’s date

Eager post-grind celebrant: So is it a strip club or a gay sex thing? Either way I’m down.

Overheard while driving to a hotel

Questionable passenger: I get greedy when I sleep with my grandfather.

Overheard at Terrace

Junior girl: Ugh, werewolves. Last night, I had this 28-year-old guy in my dorm room, from Bumble. Ugh, his facial hair was gross.

Overheard during Sunday morning brunch

Supportive friend: She doesn’t need a mallet, she needs a mullet!

Mullet-reluctant woman: I don’t know if I want a mullet.

Supportive friend: It’s not about what you WANT, it’s about what you NEED.

Overheard during a nourishing breakfast

Grapefruit fan: I like when things explode in my mouth

Overheard at Mochinut

Wary customer: What flavors are th- oh, do you not want to know?

Adventurous customer: Sometimes it's better not to know.

Overheard in Marx class

Preceptor: How, Karl? How the fuck are we supposed to do that?

Overheard on Washington

Friend of Jewish people: I feel like I have a Snapchat streak going with Shabbat right now

Overheard in Whitman dining hall

Infamous prox scanner: “You know, if you look at it, the math of evolution doesn't really work out”

Overheard while walking at night

Nocturnal wanderer: I always have banger ideas, but when it comes to me I'm like “beep bop boop addiction.”

Overheard during sex

Thoughtful lover: You know this is quite Hegelian