Nasstronauts

October 6, 2011

Hot or Not?

It’s time for a game of “Hot or Not.” Rompers: Hot or Not? Two-finger rings: Hot or Not? Denim button-down shirts: Hot or Not? Boyfriend jeans: Hot or Not? Recently I surveyed a friend’s closet and found the above articles … Read More

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The Purpler

It could be a small fold in his shirt, making an indentation that the light can’t reach which could make that one small spot in the lower third of his back stand out just a little purpler than the rest … Read More

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God’s Gift to Us All

Ryan Gosling is the greatest thing that ever happened to this world. This may seem like an exaggeration, but when you really think about it, I speak only the truth. I will confess, with some shame, that I first fell … Read More

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Eternal Cool

Every self-respecting college student music snob wants to be that guy who listens to the really cool, trendy music. From the obscure, underground bands from your hometown to any hipster-ish band with the word “Crystal” in its title, there is … Read More

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Just Say No

The philosophers tell us that everyone has, at some point in their life, given or received a handjob*. Science bears this out. Thing is, though, that handjobs just aren’t that great. Nobody really likes giving them, and, save for a … Read More

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Cole’s World

Since J. Cole already has two signature songs entitled “Dollar and a Dream,” on one level it makes sense that the first real song on his debut album is called “Dollar and a Dream III.” On another, it introduces an … Read More

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Mafia Rules

Mafia–the ultimate pre-orientation/term break trip game. There’s no better way to bond as a group than killing and turning on each other. In the game, a team of killers strikes secretly at night, then try to conceal themselves as an … Read More

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Doing Less

There is a War on Doing Less going on in this campus. And, not unlike many great wars before it (Second Punic, Cold, Fox television’s “The War at Home”, etc.), you may not realize which side you should be on … Read More

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Common Room:

Freshman: Where are you from?
Woody Woo Junior: Pakistan.
Freshman: Oh, is that in India?

Overheard in Whitman:

Intime Sophomore, pointing at guy wearing Oakland A’s hat: Why do A’s members have to flaunt that they’re in A’s?

Overheard in Frist:

Girl in boots: My passion is man-aging natural disasters, you know, like Katrina. I hope I can one day become the head of FEMA; that’s my dream.

Overheard in PHI lecture:

Professor, walking toward door: I’m about to say stupid stuff, so I have to make sure the door is closed.

Overheard on Nassau Street:

Girl: I want to get a summer house there, but just for the regatta.

Overheard near Nunokawa:

Professor Nunokawa: What if I did die. Wouldn’t that be terrible. There would be a memorial service. Shirley would speak.

Overheard in Art History:

Freshman: irregardless of pronunciation motifs of delineation and irregardless of how it activates senses it evokes provocative thoughts of malignant growths

Overheard at Columbia game:

Boy, while Columbia band was playing: It sounds like zits popping.

Overheard in Little:

Kappa junior: Let’s be honest, Kappa is the Hufflepuff of sororities.

Overheard in Patton:

Jewish kid: She looked like she was punched in the face ... by a beehive.

Overheard on McCosh Walk:

Girl: I was watching the movie and I recognized some of the dancers.
Guy: What movie?
Girl:We had to watch an 80-minute movie on the origins of krumping.

Overheard on the Street:

Sophomore Pi Phi, walking to rush: I cannot smile for three hours right now.

Overheard on McCosh Walk:

Prince staffer, to Nass editor-in-chief: Do you want to be managing editor of the Prince?

Overheard in Ivy bathroom:

Stout bro, bitching about music: Anybody who plays two Avicii songs in a row deserves to eat my butthole dry.

Overheard in Firestone:

Checkout girl, smiling, looking pretty: Are you a senior?
Senior male: Yeah.
Checkout girl, smiling, looking pretty: Are you sad?

Overheard in Whitman D-Hall:

[Athlete walks by]
Asian freshman girl: He’s wearing an Ivy Club Sweatshirt! He just got so much dreamier! I told you he’d be in a good club!
[3 minutes later]
Which sorority do you think sleeps with the hottest guys?