The Illest Issue

September 29, 2011


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Overheard at Ivy:

Andy Martens: Blackberries are like girls’ horcruxes.

Overheard in Frist:

Sophomore sorority girl: Is the financial crisis even a real thing? Like I feel like no one has really been affected ...

Overheard on the Street:

Freshman girl 1: What if that car just ran over us right now?
Freshman girl 2: That’d be so Regina George.

Overheard outside Studio 34:

COS major: I mean, the only thing you could really do is analyze her facial structure.

Overheard in Patton:

Senior audiophile: What happens when you keep blasting subs is that they get really floppy like a vagina.

Overheard at activities fair:

Desperate club president: Would you like to learn how to pick up girls?

Overheard on Reddit:

Internet person: I would drag my dick through a mile of brokenglass just to hear her fart through a walkie-talkie.

Overheard outside of Wilson:

Frat boy with Solo cup: Hey, should we offer these freshmen
some of our scotch?
Frat boy without Solo cup: Hey freshmen! Want some scotch?

Overheard in Whitman:

Kappa junior: I watch YouTube videos of passionate, erotic kisses. It makes me happy when I am sad.

Overheard in Whitman:

Australian girl trying to name American states: Montenegro...? Tahiti...? Chicago...?

Overheard in Orgo:

Prof. Semmelhack: If you have a long sausage interacting with another long sausage, it will be a stronger attraction.

Overheard in Dining Hall:

Sophomore Pi Phi, to frosh: I love your skirt! Have you thought of rush? You have a look I think is appropriate.

Overheard in Tower:

Tower junior: Only the less fortunate would iron their dress shirts. You’re supposed to dry clean them.

Overheard at Study Break:

Boy, to friends: I think I’m going to need to break it off with this girl. I don’t think I can handle a long- distance relationship.
Friend: Dude, she lives in Forbes.

Overheard on Mass Text:

Boy taking Jello shots: Agghhh jelly clarksin

Overheard at New Frick:

Boy: I’m going to McCosh to have my cast removed later!
Girl: They have an orthopedist there?
Boy: No, but they have a saw.