Matriarctic

November 14, 2014

Nom de Guerre

My father chose the name and my mother chose the spelling. My father—for the High Priest Aaron of the Israelites, Moses’ fallible brother who leads the priestly order of Levites but is forever tainted by his participation in the building of the profane Golden Calf.

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A Matter of Timing

Think back to yesterday—to the first yesterday, and then the yesterday even before that. The beginning of time—of your time, that is.

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Snapchat to Reality

When I want to stay updated with breaking stories or the latest headlines, I like to browse through my Twitter or media apps. I never expected to learn the most about the news surrounding Ferguson, Missouri through my Snapchat.

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If I Have Been Honest

It has only been for lack of trying anything else.

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The Arts in Transition

To Princeton University, it is more important to say that arts are practiced on this campus than to provide support to the student-artists themselves.

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Ball for Show

Gregg Popovich doesn’t care what you think about him. The head coach of the San Antonio Spurs is famous for his stony demeanor, relentlessly curt interviews, and impeccable coaching record.

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Pillars of Society

Think of your immediate associations with Greece: beyond a few thoughts about party islands the visual symbols that arise in your mind are the classical pillars, democracy, and philosophy that serve as the foundations of your worldview.

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luv u lmao

I had been single on the Princeton campus for about a month when my friends sat me down for a serious talk about “moving on.” I had been moping around for too long, they explained, and it was time to start dating, seeing other people, hooking up, or whatever I wanted to call it.

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Without Even Kissing

Thinking of you is like touching a dead bird: I know it can’t hurt me but I recoil for fear that somehow it might touch me back.

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Bantam River

They rocket down to the water where stones are smooth gems, opalescent grapes, the eyeballs you grope from a bowl in a spook house.

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A Better Course Guide

The Nass’s classes.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Terrace

Ivy officer: Terrace is the best club on the street.

Overheard in Firestone

TI Theta: Do you know how to find books in here? (later) Do I need the call number or are they alphabetized? (later) Where do I go to check these out?

Overheard at Chabad

AEPi sophomore: God says don’t talk a big game.

Overheard in MOL 101 review session

Exasperated TA to fellow exasperated TA: Don’t say anything else, you’re gonna fucking confuse them!

Overheard at Terrrace

St. A’s: When I was 15, I had the legs of a man and the mind of a boy.

Overheard while listening to Drake

Nasser: I don’t have any best friends.

Overheard in Les Inrockuptibles

Lede: Last week, while the French people were tearing each other apart over a giant anal plug…

Overheard after the football game

Penn girl, screaming on phone: Why? Why are you at the hospital? Why were you sent there?

Overheard at the CJL

Philosophical Hebrew 1, looking at English department website: This is full of obituaries.
Philosophical Hebrew 2: Dead white men?
Philosophical Hebrew 1: The best kind.

Overheard at Witherspoon Cafe

Sophomore girl: So, have you been to every eating club so far?
Black junior male: I have not been to Cottage.

Overheard on Prospect

Penn girl 1, looking at Colonial: What is that?
Penn girl 2: An eating club.
Penn girl 1: Are you fucking kidding me?!

Overheard at Ivy

Blonde, white male: I can’t have kids with someone who looks like me—they’d probably have hip dysplasia, like golden retrievers.

Overheard on NJTransit

Some dude: I saw The Parent Trap at a very malleable age and it kind of imprinted on me...sexually.

Overheard in Terrace

Band member 1: I’d sell my soul for a thousand dolllars...Honestly, there’s very little I wouldn’t do.
Band member 2: Would you eat human?
Band member 1: I would eat deep-fried penis.

Overheard in CWR 303

Joyce Carol Oates: They didn’t seem rich; they just seemed like middle-class people with a helicopter.