I’m not a Robot

November 20, 2022

On Fanning Flames and Drowning: A Reflection of Grief and Fury

“I cannot unlearn that my fury is not just something that sparked and never died. It is born out of mourning. “

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Jack and/or Jill: Full Design

This week, the Nass conducts a social experiment on BeReal, predicts the next 70 campus construction projects, and determines which famous philosophers are totally like 10/10 cuties.

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70 of Princeton’s Next Big Construction Projects: A Nass List

PRINCETON BUILDS: A doomsday bunker, an embassy for Bumble ambassadors, a cold brew river, and 67 other projects.

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THE PHILOSOPHICAL FIVE (my very objective opinion on the best and worst philosophers of all time)

“Also known as the father of all philosophy (daddy?) Socrates is the original playboy. Everyone, and I mean everyone, fangirls over him.”

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We Added 200 Strangers on BeReal, and We’re Never Opening the App Again

“Hypothesis: people our age around the world are alone during a significant portion of their waking hours. And hypothetically, BeReal is the perfect observational device.”

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On electromagnetism, bodies, and the nature of overthinking

“We sit together, our two bodies close, but not touching. They say that opposites attract, but there is a void between us, a siren.”

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Verbatim

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Overheard in common room

A realistic romantic reflecting on long-distance relationships: “An hour is kind of far. I wouldn't even settle for Forbes.”

Overheard at the architecture library

Preppy architecture major: "So, are you interested in the architecture of—”

Tired classmate: "Dude, I'm just trying to build some things."

Overheard at Terrace

Determined junior: “I’m in a war of attrition with my Coffee Club crush. And I intend to win.”

Overheard on Nassau St.

Wide-eyed junior: “How do you buy sweatpants? Are they widely available?”

Overheard via text

Recent graduate after meeting with a Princeton career advisor: “I feel like she’s going to peel off her skin and reveal that she’s an alien who eats resumes for sustenance.”

Overheard while leaving Whitman dining hall

Candid student: “Why would we go to the Whitman library? Do you hate joy?”

Overheard on NJ Transit

Chaotic SPIA major: “Gavin Newsom is so hot.”

Concerned friend: “Would you quit it with that? You need to go to therapy.”

Overheard in Spelman

Frequently verbatimed senior: “How do you write that in a verbatim? Eye Contact, gay handsigns?”

Overheard during a gay hangout

Feminist: “And the best part is they literally objectify men!”

Overheard during visitation

Uninvited guest: “Your room is so not child-friendly.”

Resident: “Are you a child?”

Overheard near Frist

Bro 1: “I love to eat pussy.”

Bro 2: “I love the smell of laundry.”

Overheard at Terrace

Simple-needs sophomore: “My love language is simple. You should be fucking obsessed with me.”

Overheard at Roma breakfast

Gimmicky anthro major: “And the whole epistemological gag of the thing is...”

Overheard on a Sunday evening

A true friend: “I feel like you sell yourself short in the Russian department.”

Overheard at a pregame

While watching someone sing to Taylor Swift: “You're awakening my latent homosexuality.”