For Your Consideration

April 16, 2023

Take a Leave of Absence: It’s Easier Than You Think

A Nass writer investigates why and how students take leaves—and what it’s like to be gone.

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For Your Consideration: Full Design

This week, the Nass spends its leave of absence filming movies in Greece, attending tone-deaf plays, and growing an extra hand.

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Orange Juice 1989

“Orange-wet fingers and the acid is on her eyes, on her cheeks, running down with the tears and cheap makeup. My father reaches toward her—she is wearing a black silk headband, and he tries to pull it from her hair to wipe her eyes. She yells at him in Greek and he retracts.”

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Nass Recommends: Riverdale

When corny becomes profound.

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Cardboard, White Tears, and the Inevitability of the British: The Jungle at St. Ann’s Warehouse

A play that claims to portray the authentic refugee experience . . . for fifty-two dollars.

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Too Evolved

“Is purple the color of evolution?”

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Stoked for Stokes

The subtle rhythms of the quietest library on campus.

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River, river, I’m broken/sinking down

It’s 4 in the morning and you’re pulling at my bedsheets again. I’d like to think I’m the boulder willing river water into a million little Vs, the shapes of teeth on parted lip, buzzing. In my memory, you appear … Read More

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Letter to a Professor (From a Disgruntled Parent-Donor)

Dear Lecherous Lecturer Precious Professor, Happy winter. I heard you’re in Vail? Hope the slopes are not destroying your knees. I’m reeling from the news that you gave a D to my son Robert “Torie” George Junior (I abstain from … Read More

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Writing Seminar

Sleep-deprived student's search bar: 'why am i always tired?'
Sleep-deprived student's search bar after a few seconds of anxious reading: 'can cancer cause fatigue?'

Overheard at NCW dining hall

Confused male: "My sister and I are going to have a kid."

Overheard on Easter

Catholic child: Why can’t Jesus be a baguette?

Overheard on prospective student day

Starstruck sophomore: I just shook hands with Jeff Bezos in Effron. My fight or flight response kicked in, and I chose flight in that moment.

Overheard on Twitter

Inquisitive reader: I wonder if I’ve ever been in a nassau weekly verbatim

Overheard during International Women’s Month

Woman-lover: My sexuality is super woman

Overheard in delirium

Philosopher: humor is the condom of life

Overheard in Forbes Annex

Critical observer, watching Italian art film: I’d rather see his ass than his face.

Overheard in Scheide Caldwell

Medievalist: Actually, I find premodernity to be the most postmodern

Overheard in Green Hall

Professor: And how do we define "Latin Lover"?

Overheard at Late Meal

Crochet enthusiast: I won't be able to access deep focus mode until I put on some pants.

Overheard in Joline

Cooked sophomore: Hell of a song to pregame shabbat to.

Overheard at 2D dinner

Surprisingly impressed ooze-eater: I can tell everyone I came here for the black ooze

Overheard while discussing independent work:

Potentially perverted junior: My JP is like Penis. Penis. Vagina. Incest. Mouth stuff. Butt stuff. Mind stuff.