Behold My Glorious Gleaming Appendage

April 16, 2016


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Overheard in Terrace

Junior Art Director, flipping angrily through book: I don’t want to read about love.

Overheard in CWR 204

Young artist, on potato: “The warm, starchy substance entered my mouth.”

Overheard in an art history seminar

Woody Woo major: I found my- self really paying attention to whether the author’s last name ended in a vowel.
(later): How would I feel if Putin bombed the United States and made the White House his new house?

Overheard in the office

Senior staffer, proudly: My recommendation was good. It was so good, someone asked me if I slept with her. THAT’S how good it was.

Overheard in Firestone

Ivy senior: I talked to my mom, and she said it’s okay for me to go out tonight.

Overheard in Butler

Finance bro: Jobs hit my g-spot in the right way.

Overheard in Spelman

Jew 1: The Nass is Princeton’s half-literary, half-penis joke publication...
Jew 2: And all Jewish...
Jew 3: And about one-quarter self-hating.
Jew 1: One-quarter self-hating would have been good enough for Hitler...

Overheard in Firestone bathroom

Girl with British accent, on what she does for breakfast:
I inhale a Greek yogurt and smash a banana in my face.

Overheard in Northern Virginia

Senior girl’s mother, to senior girl: If you came out as gay I would be so excited! I would want to know everything about gay culture.

Overheard by Frist mailboxes

Virgin, on mysterious item in box: It smells like the lubricant we used to lubricate our rifles with in high school.
Other virgin: Just your rifles???

Overheard on iMessage

TI sophomore: State night is the root of all mono.

Overheard in Terrace

Terrace senior: When I wear sunglasses, I look like someone who beats homeless people for a living.

Overheard near Dillon gym

Junior aesthete, rapping somberly: M, I, L, F, sautee the pussy ‘cuz I am the chef.

Overheard on iMessage

Nass dad: Did you see the Terry Gross cartoon in the New Yorker?

Overheard on iMessage

Drunk WASP senior, to parents: Where is my check for $[five figures].

Overheard on the Street

Junior TI Theta to other junior TI Theta: You haven’t even had sex? Even weird people have had sex.