Behold My Glorious Gleaming Appendage

April 16, 2016

Bargaining with God

Why would I want to believe (if I do believe at all) in a God who requires blind faith and has destructive ethics, for whom we must be violent in order to show devotion?

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Define Your Terms: Responding to Joshua Leifer’s Misguided Wall Street Allegations

The breadth and depth of financial services extends far beyond the scope of the causes of the financial crisis, and to identify a sector that comprises 9 percent of the economy or even any of the companies within that sector as wholly anything is a mistake.

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Life, Pornified

A critical look at anti-porn activism at Princeton.

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Work Life Balance

The Yale administration’s insistence on a student income contribution is reinforcing inequality along race and classlines.” So proclaims a new campaign launched at Yale, organized by the group Students Unite Now (SUN), aiming to eliminate the student income contribution for undergrads … Read More

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Rememory

When the sodium lamps evaporate their tired stock, I wonder if walking home at night in the rain will still be such an ageless pleasure, a simple joy to watch you stagger up cement sidewalks, ringed in a corona of … Read More

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Stay Tenacious

The report’s interpretation is not at odds with the Sotomayor speech, but doesn’t fully understand it, either.

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I Am Not the Übermensch

Why do we feel compelled to shut down anything that deviates even slightly from the social standards to which we have unwittingly chained ourselves?

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Seeing Myself Clearly

This binary between “school” and “cool” is something even my own parents, haters
of dim lighting and monthly contacts prescriptions, acknowledge as well, if only implicitly.

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The Nose

I feel victorious over the Nazis. I feel ashamed.

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Interview with Lester, Functional Humanoid

She looked at me and turned her thingie off. And said typical. And then turned over and kept vibrating.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Terrace

Junior Art Director, flipping angrily through book: I don’t want to read about love.

Overheard in CWR 204

Young artist, on potato: “The warm, starchy substance entered my mouth.”

Overheard in an art history seminar

Woody Woo major: I found my- self really paying attention to whether the author’s last name ended in a vowel.
(later): How would I feel if Putin bombed the United States and made the White House his new house?

Overheard in the office

Senior staffer, proudly: My recommendation was good. It was so good, someone asked me if I slept with her. THAT’S how good it was.

Overheard in Firestone

Ivy senior: I talked to my mom, and she said it’s okay for me to go out tonight.

Overheard in Butler

Finance bro: Jobs hit my g-spot in the right way.

Overheard in Spelman

Jew 1: The Nass is Princeton’s half-literary, half-penis joke publication...
Jew 2: And all Jewish...
Jew 3: And about one-quarter self-hating.
Jew 1: One-quarter self-hating would have been good enough for Hitler...

Overheard in Firestone bathroom

Girl with British accent, on what she does for breakfast:
I inhale a Greek yogurt and smash a banana in my face.

Overheard in Northern Virginia

Senior girl’s mother, to senior girl: If you came out as gay I would be so excited! I would want to know everything about gay culture.

Overheard by Frist mailboxes

Virgin, on mysterious item in box: It smells like the lubricant we used to lubricate our rifles with in high school.
Other virgin: Just your rifles???

Overheard on iMessage

TI sophomore: State night is the root of all mono.

Overheard in Terrace

Terrace senior: When I wear sunglasses, I look like someone who beats homeless people for a living.

Overheard near Dillon gym

Junior aesthete, rapping somberly: M, I, L, F, sautee the pussy ‘cuz I am the chef.

Overheard on iMessage

Nass dad: Did you see the Terry Gross cartoon in the New Yorker?

Overheard on iMessage

Drunk WASP senior, to parents: Where is my check for $[five figures].

Overheard on the Street

Junior TI Theta to other junior TI Theta: You haven’t even had sex? Even weird people have had sex.