Arse Poetica

February 14, 2015

Erin O'Brien


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Overheard at BodyHype Pickups

BodyHype Newbie: (takes off shirt)
BodyHype Bro: I’ve seen that body on Grindr before.

Overheard in Spelman

Lil Jon: Aw, skeet skeet motherfucker, aw, skeet skeet goddamn.
Frenchman: I learned this song before I learned English.

Overheard in NES 201

Preceptor: Imperialism isn’t for everyone.

Overheard in Terrace

Sophomore: I went to school in Exeter--at Exeter--I went to Exeter.

Overheard in Frist

Girl: One time this guy asked me out and I was like, “you’re my cousin,” and he was like, “no, we’re not related” and he got really offended.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Employee to Boss: There’s just no swiss cheese. There just isn’t any. There is none. There is no swiss cheese. We have parsley. We have ham. There is no swiss cheese.

Overheard in East Pyne

Male Press Club Member 1: Dude, are those tights?
Male Press Club Member 2, indignant: It’s a thermal base layer!

Overheard in Urban Outfitters

Blonde shopper, on boyfriend: He pretends he’s an anarchist but he really just loves a nice cardigan on a woman.

Overheard on Ivy Listserv

Member: Hey, who has my black snapback? It says Margiela on it.

Overheard in Rocky Dining Hall

Casanova: So I slapped a mannequin on the ass, and there was this cute guy standing right behind me...Sorry, what was your name again?

Overheard in The Prince

Prince: The Office of Information Technology deferred comment to the Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students, who deferred comment to Housing and Real Estate Services. Housing and Real Estate Services deferred comment to Mbugua for this story.

Overheard on Pickups

Girl: Hey.
Guy: Hey.
Girl: How are you?
Guy: Good I just got hosed I’m pretty sad.

Overheard in Firestone

St. A’s Senior: Even if I could give myself a blowjob I think that I would choose not to.

Overheard in Elle Magazine

Article about male anxiety: Hysteria is so first millennium, welcome to the age of high scrociety!

Overheard outside Trader Joe’s

Young Lady: No, it really got worse. After the whole cancer thing people hate her even more.

Overheard in the CJL

BodyHype Senior: I have this friend who can look at a girl and know if she shaves her pubes. He calls it his furdar.