2 True Zodiac

February 28, 2016


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Overheard in the architecture building

Aging dean, to students: I know all the beers in the world.

Overheard in East Asian Library

Ivy Pi Phi, scrolling on Instagram: Oh, I didnt know she had a house in Monaco!

Overheard in Woolworth

Dumb frosh: Yuck Farvard, am I right?

Overheard Forbes Sunday brunch

Freshman girl: It wasn’t the making out that was a problem, it was letting him finger me in the TI stairwell while I was on my period.

Overheard on iMessage

Yung feminist: every day is a penis monologue!

Overheard on the Street

Drunk sophomore, walking out of Tower party: I live in Rocky. You live in Wilson, the gayest of gay dorms.

Overheard Bloomberg

Naive frosh: Do you ever smoke joints on campus?

Overheard Pyne

TI senior woman: Speaking of sad, this afternoon I spent a significant amount of time googling ‘Virginia Woolf suicide note.’

Overheard at Met Museum

Preppy boy: I had a nightmare last night.
Senior woman: About what?
Preppy: Jennifer Lawrence.

Overheard in Chicago bar

Woman in bathroom: They hate me in the Parlor Pizza.
Other woman: Why do they hate you?
Woman in bathroom: Who the fuck knows maybe cuz I vomited there

Overheard at UWS

Press Club member, pointing to Macy’s children’s ad, thirstily: How old are these girls?

Overheard in West Village

Beleaguered fratter: My Patagonia won’t fit under my Barbour.

Overheard in Olives

Intense-looking bald man, to Olives employee: No one would find the body.
Olives employee, murmuring in agreement: No one would find the body.

Overheard via iMessage

Sexually empowered senior woman: why do we love canadians so much? is it because we think they’re simple?
Ibid: i want to go on a fuck tour of the northwest

Overheard in Whitman theater

Theater girl: You think his laugh is weird? Try humping him in a coffin.

Overheard in New York

22-year-old woman: Men my age are terrible.
25-year-old man: I hate to break it to you, but men my age are also terrible.