Category: Humor

Letter To the Editorial Board

A Concern with an Article.

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From the Editors

Our Weekly Missive.

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25 Things to Do in Firestone Besides My Thesis

1. Leave notes in books that imply a campus-wide Masonic influence. 2. Climb on the roof(s). 3. Invade another carrel. 4. Fill your carrel up to the window with tennis balls and then print out explanatory notices with dialogue from … Read More

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A couple of things to consider when picking classes

I know you’ve heard it, or, if not, then you’ve felt it somehow, sweeping through the dorm room hallways, rolling around Café Viv, and whirring past kids on their way to Firestone. There is a buzz in the air, and no, it’s not the bees or the wind that’s making that sound. I’m talking about that time halfway through the semester or so when the course catalog comes out.

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Public Service Announcement

The following is a message from the Colorado Springs Safety Council, a proud mountain western affiliate of The Nassau Weekly. This is your safety spokesman, Melvin R. McGinnis, speaking.

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The Fifth Column

My father did consulting for years. Whenever he—or my uncle, also a consultant—began talking about work, I thought about their offices. They were small, poorly-lit rooms with terrible furniture, located in commercial parks off county roads. They were depressing. My … Read More

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Ardently, Maddeningly, Gloriously Tempted

All men lusted for the firebrand they called Flaming Tina, famed for the molten fire in her hair — and for the hot temper running fierce through the noble Scblood of Lady Valentina Kennedy. Forced into marriage with the fearsome warrior of an enemy clan, Tina vowed to use her wild beauty to gain mastery over Lord Ramsay Douglas. Women hungered to be pressed against his steely chest … and men feared the brawn and rage of Black Ram Douglas. Ram swore he would make the defiant Valentina a dutiful wife after he had broken her hellion’s pride. But the girl he set out to tame became the woman who taught him what it meant to be ardently, maddeningly, gloriously tempted.”

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121 Reasons Why I Have to Attend a Different Precept

Can’t listen to the kid next to me clear his throat again.

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Welcome to Our Study

Take off your underwire bra and your prison tattoos. Thank you. Put in these earplugs please. You’ll hear us; we’ll speak very loudly and with gestures.

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Nass Lists: Primal Urges During My Seminar

We all know the feeling: you’re sitting in your seminar when suddenly you’re overcome by an all-consuming desire to… Crack open my ballpoint pen and drink the ink like it’s a flask Drink a bottle of water like it’s filled … Read More

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We Should Really, Like, Do A Cleanse

What do Gwyneth Paltrow, my mother, and their doctors have in common?

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My Thoughts are Running Away

A Nass writer beams 24 thoughts straight from his brain to yours

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