1. Putting on a fleece sweater with chapped hands
  2. Looking at the stars for too long and thinking they’ll fall down
  3. Accidentally erasing with a pencil with no eraser and feeling the awful texture of the metal eraser holder on paper
  4. Accidentally sexting my grandma instead of my boyfriend
  5. When you’re showing a friend a YouTube video and have to watch their face to make sure they are laughing
  6. Spending the whole subway ride thinking that you should be giving up your seat but not wanting to offend the person you would offer it to by implying that they are somehow impaired
  7. Playing something explicit and realizing you’re hooked up to the bluetooth speakers in the living room; you are not home alone.
  8. Imagining that the mole on your hip will start swelling and never stop
  9. Public nosebleeds
  10. Accidentally viewing a SnapStory posted by someone you hate
  11. Worrying that your preceptor knows you haven’t done the reading because you’re currently flipped to a page of the book that wasn’t in the reading, even though you’re all the way across the room from him
  12. When you’re thinking about something funny and  passing someone on the street and you make eye contact with them while laughing and you have to glare at them to make sure they don’t think you’re checking them out
  13. Wearing heels and walking late into the class with creaky wood floors
  14. Sending in verbatims while drunk and checking 5/6 times to make sure you’re sending it to the private gmail and not the listserv
  15. Cracking my back and worrying that this is the last time before my spine finally snaps
  16. Accidentally posting my Facebook status as my Blackboard post
  17. Accidentally posting my Blackboard post as my Facebook status
  18. Having too much work so you just remain frozen and cannot even start anything
  19. Having nothing to do and feeling guilty for doing nothing
  20. Spending time with your family over break and knowing you should be doing work
  21. Doing work during a holiday and knowing you should be spending time with your family instead
  22. That dumb thing you did in 6th grade that everyone definitely still remembers
  23. Every word you’ve ever said in front of your crush
  24. Every facial gesture you’ve ever made
  25. Your smile is dumb btw
  26. Hooking up with someone in your 3-person seminar (bonus points if it was the professor)
  27. The days following sex and preceding one’s period, even if you’ve both had your tubes tied
  28. A career in journalism
  29. Going to a friends for Thanksgiving and having to hug all the strangers
  30. Sitting in the window seat during a long flight and trying to figure out if the people in the middle and aisle are really sleeping because you need to use the bathroom for the third time.
  31. Walking towards someone you were vaguely friends with freshman year & not knowing whether to smile, wave, or ignore them
  32. Accidentally ignoring someone you hooked up with last night & actually really like & you aren’t sure if it would be weirder to text them saying sorry for ignoring you or for them to think you really did ignore them
  33. The moment before you raise your hand to knock on the door of someone’s room you’ve never been to
  34. Wanting to take a one-hour nap but knowing that your laundry will be done in 23 minutes, so you spend that time lying awake, imagining football bros pawing through your underwear
  35. Missed phone call and/or voicemail from parents
  36. Showering while alone in the house
  37. The flight attendant doesn’t want you here
  38. That thing I said last night
  39. Feeling my heartbeat
  40. Walking down the hallway in a towel
  41. Eating salad for lunch & not knowing whether it would be more gross to pick spinach out of your teeth or just let it sit there like a green stain upon your soul
  42. Feeling like he’s looking at you but you don’t want him to think you’re looking at him so you just squirm in agony
  43. Picking the wrong major
  44. Sort of feeling like you should have gone to Columbia
  45. Not getting a job in finance.
  46. Having to work in finance this summer.
  47. Walking down steps once you’ve imagined falling down them
  48. Not knowing when you should take off your hat
  49. Ordering something new on a Wa sandwich when it might ruin everything
  50. Holding the door open for someone who’s too far away so they have to run and their gratitude becomes resentment
  51. Sitting in the middle seat and wanting to look out the window but worrying that the person in the window seat would think you’re looking at them
  52. Telling a story to a group of people and watching everyone’s eyes glaze over, knowing everyone’s lost interest, but not being able to stop because you’ve advertised this story as “the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you.”
  53. Incorrectly pronouncing Bârsanescu for like nine weeks until some snotty kid corrects you in front of the whole class
  54. Minor sleep blackouts in seminar
  55. Did anyone notice? am I drooling?
  56. Am I doing enough to take down the patriarchy?
  57. Am I wearing this because I like it, or because I’m trying to appeal to the male gaze?
  58. Does this make my ass look big?
  59. Telling a story to two people, only one version is slightly different—minor details edited for length/clarity, nothing sinister—and worrying that the topic will come up and both of them will realize you’re a liar
  60. Opening your computer next to someone and having a porn window open whether or not you’ve watched any recently.
  61. Grad students in head to toe Rick Owens
  62. Toothbrush etiquette in a shared bathroom
  63. Going on Facebook on Shabbat in case your Shabbat-observant friends see you’re online and judge you (before realizing that them noticing could only mean they’re online too)
  64. My Shabbat-observant friends seeing I sent this on Shabbat and judging me
  65. Talking trash with the windows open
  66. Posting a sext to your SnapStory
  67. Getting your cat to come sleep on you goddamn it
  68. Not seeing him the whole night so you DFMO with someone else, but what if he like, came to the dfloor during that particular slobbery moment, saw you actin a fool, and left??
  69. Not being able to reconcile your Kantian convictions with your bourgeois background
  70. Greeting people from other countries and not knowing whether to hug or kiss or kiss twice or avoid the meeting altogether and move on
  71. Texting people you don’t know for a pass
  72. Getting a stain on your covers and every time you see that stain you are reminded of your ineptitude and worrying that when other people see the stain they will judge you
  73. Waking up one morning with double Ds
  74. Texting “you up?” and not getting an answer and worrying the person died (which is better than worrying they’re ignoring you)
  75. Outfit repeating at the gym
  76. Read receipts
  77. Getting vegetables out of the salad bar at the CJL
  78. When your mom Pinterests wedding gowns
  79. If a silverfish crawled out of the shower drain right now, would it get caught in the web of hairs and slowly drown?
  80. If my imagery is fresh and evocative
  81. If my life is fresh and evocative
  82. Contorting your legs in a uncomfortable way during precept because you want to optimize the intensity of your raw denim fades
  83. Wearing black and blue at the same time
  84. Eating an orange slice before you go out to ward off scurvy
  85. Feeling your hair follicles after you let down your hair: maybe everyone who warned you about manbuns making you go bald was right
  86. Using the handicap toilet and being nervous that you’re keeping an actually disabled person from using it
  87. When someone compliments your bracelet and you then tell them how you will never ever take off this bracelet because a priest in India told you it wards off evil
  88. The sports team you support is starting a player 5 years younger than you and what have you even done with your life?
  89. You made a funny joke and you don’t know if he heard but you can’t just say it again
  90. Is that Yik Yak comment directed at me?
  91. Will I ever be half the man my father was?
  92. Being sure you have a period stain on your butt, even though it’s not supposed to come for two weeks
  93. Just check, okay? Jesus, Sharon
  94. Deciding which sushi restaurant to go to for dinner
  95. Deciding between iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6s
  96. Deciding which preschool to send your children
  97. Nearly every moment between birth and death
  98. Accidentally sitting too close to a stranger in a nearly-empty subway car but not wanting to move in case they’d think it’s something they did
  99. Getting into a semi-public argument and not caring because of your rage only to get over it and realize people are judging
  100. Pretending to text while actually looking at the Princeton maps app because you never go to the equad but you should definitely know this by now
  101. Not wanting to support American Apparel but where else is a girl supposed to get a velvet spandex monokini with vintage tortoiseshell fasteners?
  102. Liking that one old photo of your cousins girlfriends sisters ex-boyfriend that you happened on when you were supposed to be reading Foucault
  103. Falling off the treadmill
  104. Striking the perfect balance between chill girl and I’m neurotic enough to be fun
  105. Knowing I’m just neurotic
  106. Talking to a lovely guy at a party and seeing your friend out of the corner of your eye, she says she’s “fine” but there’s some trashboy orbiting, and you know you should abandon the guy and go back with your friend but she’s protesting quite strongly, maybe she’s actually fine, but what if she died and it was all your fault, but what if this dude is The One, so you take your friend home and text the boy, turns out the number is one digit too short and you never see him again because he studies really hard instead of going out, and you meet him at your tenth Reunion looking hot with his two perfect children and brilliant wife, and you resolve never to be kind to anyone again
  107. Too much teeth or not nearly enough
  108. Am I eating too many beets?
  109. The inevitable heat death of the universe.
  110. Sliding to the end of the bench in the subway when a bunch of seats free up and having the person sitting next to you take it as a personal insult
  111. Walking in the same direction at the same pace as someone at night and they think you’re following them
  112. Which of my small physical ailments will eventually kill me?
  113. Your workplace instituting a no-shoe policy
  114. Trying to add nc-17 fan fiction to your “read later” list and accidentally sharing it to Facebook instead
  115. How can I remain aloof and also maintain our snap streak?
  116. Hitting “send” on a job application email before it’s finished
  117. Sending a cover letter with the bullet points of the job description still at the top of the page
  118. Successfully inviting your crush to your room only for them to fall asleep
  119. Will wearing a beret be read as a political statement when, in fact, I am simply trying to keep my head warm?
  120. Communists
  121. Worrying you’ll accidentally offend your professor by not being formal enough in an email
  122. Worrying you’ll accidentally bore your professor by being too formal in an email
  123. Worrying you don’t send enough emails to your professors
  124. Worrying you send too many emails to your professors
  125. Someone seeing you at the gym
  126. No one ever seeing you at the gym because you never go
  127. Wearing the same formals dress as someone else
  128. Wearing the same lingerie as your lover
  129. Being constricted within the gendered clothing choice binary
  130. Dying of thirst in Marquand
  131. Dying of thirst on the TI dance floor
  132. Dying alone
  133. What if everyone around me is a figment of my imagination
  134. What if I’m a figment of somebody else’s imagination
  135. That you’ll never write an article that isn’t about your mustache
  136. That I’ll never write an article I could ever show my mother
  137. Are people staring because I look amazing or because I look amazingly bad?
  138. Digging your fingers into a wall-to-wall carpet and feeling the dust get caught in between your nail and nail bed
  139. Contracting toenail fungus from shared showers
  140. That the color I call red isn’t actually the same color that you call red
  141. Knowing that people know you just went to the bathroom when you exit the bathroom.
  142. Never having sex ever again
  143. When tinder says there’s no one new around you and you wonder if it’s a metaphor for your life.
  144. Pretending to go to the bathroom to waste time in a 3 hour seminar and then coming back to class and realizing you actually did have to go
  145. Having to explain a meme to my mom

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