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A Better Course Guide

“MNG 105: What to Expect When You’re Expectorating” and other courses.

by staff on December 5, 2013December 7, 2013

The Nass 100

1. Natalee Holloway. 2. James Taylor, and the giant pussies who love James Taylor. 3. Wasps who give “spiels”. 4. My roommates using my Ann Coulter poster as a jizz-rag. 5. That one kid who finished Infinite Jest. 6. Vaguely … Read More

by staff on September 20, 2006March 17, 2013

The Nass 100

1. Graph humor 2. “Does America Have Too Many Nurses or Not Enough?”: _The Slatest_ 3. Visual learners 4. Trail blazers 5. People who are culturally insensitive to my opinions 6. The disgusting cover letter and resume I sent to … Read More

by staff on September 22, 2010March 17, 2013

A Better Course Guide

The Nass’s classes.

by staff on November 14, 2014November 16, 2014

In the House of the Rising Sun

Mardi Gras never defined my image of New Orleans. To me Mardi Gras was a cliché that was not quite rooted in a city so steeped in two things above all else: food and jazz. Mardi Gras was to New Orleans like a Carnivale mask, worn on one night and then discarded.

by staff on September 21, 2005March 17, 2013

Nass 100

100 things the staff of the Nass doesn’t want to see again next year: So much self-loathing staring back out of the mirror My love handles My puffy cheeks My cankles Food My third nipple Uncircumcised penises Uncircumcised vaginas The … Read More

by staff on May 9, 2013August 18, 2013

Porn for the Blind

In our modern age, technology has made it so that the visually impaired are able to partake in many of the same activities as anyone else. Text-to-speech programs, which narrate a website, make it easy to browse the web. There … Read More

by staff on April 24, 2008March 17, 2013

103 Things to Do as a Prefrosh

The Nass compiled the definitive list of necessary prefrosh experiences

by staff on April 10, 2016April 16, 2016

The Nass Weekly’s Weekly Diet

“‘Ere we come, ‘ere we come, ‘ere we come to eat some snacks!” That’s the song you sing as you roll your way to the feeding tubes, you glutinous masses of orca-fat-fattened lard-balls! And what do you have to say for yourselves? Nothing, because your mouths are blocked up by the pendulous weight of your sagging cheeks and you have forgotten all words except “more” and “a little bit more” and “perhaps just another dollop.”

by staff on October 11, 2006March 17, 2013

Top 23 Ways to Kill Your Lover

We at The Nass are in the business of maintaining our cherished readership’s happiness in all walks of life, and with Valentine’s Day a recent but no less traumatic event of the past, we understand how draining (both emotionally and … Read More

by staff on February 14, 2007March 17, 2013

Week in Review

It came to (and, it should be noted, faded from) the national attention that San Diego resident John Corcoran taught high school in California for 17 years without being able to read, write, or spell. A college graduate, Corcoran’s secret … Read More

by staff on February 14, 2008March 17, 2013

Nassau Weekly’s Weekly Diet

Oh Gross. We accidentally just looked at you and your fatness grossed us out. Big time. Well, because we here at the Nassau Weekly are bonded together by a spirit of philanthropy and kindness, we are going to give you what you so desperately need: A brand new diet.

by staff on October 4, 2006March 17, 2013


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