Book recommender: It’s about the whole idea of the gym. After break-up, you go there to create physical pain to ease the mental.
Tall, blond man: Sweet, I’ll read it this weekend whenever I start feeling too happy.
A dreamer, gazing at the stars: Would you go to the moon?
European: I wouldn’t even go to fucking Wyoming.
Beleaguered freshman: If you see tear stains on my test, just assume they were tears of joy.
Hot senior, again: What did that mean? Was that like a PewDiePie quote or something?
Hot senior, groping apple: You look like an AI-rendering in the New Colleges.
Beautiful girlfriend: I thought you liked me for my personality.
Realistic boyfriend: It’s okay.
Social chair: I remember when I tore my groin, she was helping me tape it, and I was like you’re taping my fucking balls.
Spanish & Portuguese major: Every matter is homosexual because covalent bonds. I don’t know how I got chemistry involved in this.
Gym-bro: Creatine makes me so bloated.
Gym-bro’s bro: It’s like one of those things if you’re turned on enough you can be into anything.
Super-super senior: I might have to violate the honor code to get one more semester.
Change-maker: Everyone in this fucking school has a sister named Gigi. People need to stop having sisters named Gigi.
Bathroom revolutionary rousing their fellow studiers: Don't misuse the bidet!
Poet with shoulder-length gray hair: I received my quantum physics for beginners book. It crows about the fact that it does not contain math. That troublesome stuff. It's like reading a list of ingredients on fruit juice and finding it does not have high fructose corn syrup.
Posh & prim boss: Hi there, how are you today Marco?
Marco the Sweat-drenched Serb: Sweating like a whore in church, but I’m alright.
Saddened spirit coming off a summer 9-to-5: I am going to need you all to start saying very funny things very soon.
Friend 1: Why?
Friend 2: What do you mean?
Friend 3: We’re not entertaining you enough? Is that really all we are to you…mere jesters?
Sorrowful romantic: Worst case scenario, do you think it’s better to stay single forever or revisit my past?
Sensible friend: By “revisit your past,” do you mean get back with your ex-boyfriend?
Sorrowful romantic: I didn’t say that.
Boomer mother, texting son: Hi sweetie. How’s my brilliant, Mr. Rizz doing?
Health-conscious boss: If you’re gonna take risks with your life, take it with something more exciting than cereal.
Daredevil employee, chowing on Coco Puffs: There’s nothing more exciting than cereal.
Steamy, typo-ridden erotic novel: ‘I could hear her exhaling steam.’
Concerned reader: Why was she exhaling steam? That doesn’t sound very healthy.