First-year still getting the sense of things: I think my laundry’s been in the dryer since Monday but I’m scared to check.

Exhausted Senior: I thought the fire alarm was my alarm, so I just kept trying to sleep through the noise.

Philosophy student: Associate with your manhood, it gives your privilege…gay guys tend to have that problem really bad.

Student: Coffee is not that scary. Mormon-coded student: Yes it is, it’s a gateway into addiction.

A girl speaking about large polarized sunglasses: When I see guys wearing those sunglasses I think they look like flies. Like flies with really big heads.

Orange Key tour guide: Yeah, the Martinez brothers are from here.

Girl en route to Charter: I’m looking for any semi-tall, semi-skinny white guy… it doesn’t matter actually.

Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I’m not sure I’m on board with that.

Frazzled student: Sorry for being late, I just had the most wonderful conversation with a Kazakh woman.

Crazed chick: I’m literally going to convert to Judaism. Enabler: You called down rains from Adonai.

Student telling a story: …so I never ate anything bad in my childhood… Another student interrupting: Like paint?

Member of the LGBTQ+ Community: I think a gay man and a straight woman can have sex and be in a normal marriage.