Upperclassman: You don’t actually have to know anything to get a job.

Princeton student 1: we’re such fucking nerds Princeton student 2: Dude, it’s Princeton

A fellow Artichoke: So we sent out a form collecting opinions about us hanging up a pride flag outside on the porch. We did receive one nay saying that it was not representative of the group. Everyone: *a collective side eye*

Male barista, being sarcastic: Thank god there are no gay baristas on shift.

Guy friend: *shrugs* Hey, you said small in all dimensions. Girl talking about her new boy toy: Yeah, well I’m not talking about that one.

Anal musician, about a girl coming to talk to him: She comes around and my anus recoils.

Guy holding the hand of a girl (who is clearly leaning away from him): If you were more flexible than you are, that would be, like, weird to me. Your amount of flexibility – totally fine.

Post-Break Princeton Dad: Looking at this news report and seeing adults get so worked up about 6-7 makes me so sad. If I unironically sound this corny, you know what to do. Confused Princetonian: What? No I don’t. Dad: A rock to the back of my head.

Guy in quarter zip: No but I think being unemployed might be, like, really really good.

Neo-Yuppie (?): I do the poetry section for the Princeton Tory under the pen name D.V Likely.

Girl in Ivy: Going to Terrace for dinner is just like doing an ethnography.

Student totally being hazed: This feels like hazing. Frat bro: It’s not hazing, it’s just… tradition. Hazee: That’s not better.