Recent victim of ‘playful’ Bike Ramming: Northern Europeans play too rough, Like- he thought we were both having fun there. 

Engineer: I’m running an experiment in the apartment for a lab so don’t be concerned if you see wires in the bathroom lol.

Patron: My cousin just gave birth. And it ripped…to her ass.

Upperclassman: You don’t actually have to know anything to get a job.

Princeton student 1: we’re such fucking nerds Princeton student 2: Dude, it’s Princeton

A fellow Artichoke: So we sent out a form collecting opinions about us hanging up a pride flag outside on the porch. We did receive one nay saying that it was not representative of the group. Everyone: *a collective side eye*

Male barista, being sarcastic: Thank god there are no gay baristas on shift.

Guy friend: *shrugs* Hey, you said small in all dimensions. Girl talking about her new boy toy: Yeah, well I’m not talking about that one.

Anal musician, about a girl coming to talk to him: She comes around and my anus recoils.

Guy holding the hand of a girl (who is clearly leaning away from him): If you were more flexible than you are, that would be, like, weird to me. Your amount of flexibility – totally fine.

Post-Break Princeton Dad: Looking at this news report and seeing adults get so worked up about 6-7 makes me so sad. If I unironically sound this corny, you know what to do. Confused Princetonian: What? No I don’t. Dad: A rock to the back of my head.

Guy in quarter zip: No but I think being unemployed might be, like, really really good.