Denim-clad iconoclast: I already know her. I don’t define people by their DFMOs.
Low-brow: What really gets her riled up?
High-brow: Beautiful, beautiful men exhibiting immaturity. And intimate colonization.
Comp Lit HAG: I was about to get pissed that a couple was all lovey dovey before I looked up and saw it was 2 guys.
Math major: Can I get a different basketball? This one is too oval-shaped.
Avid surfer, interning for hedge fund: There's an inverse relationship between time surfing and caring about philosophy.
Obnoxiously loud blonde man: Yeah physics isn't really that hard, what's your major, I'm ECE.
Nervous bystander: I think I should get back to my work now.
Sick psycho: It’s just ontologically evil…I hate Joni Mitchell!
Male professor, excitedly: We’re all women. College professors are all women. We get to spend our whole lives talking.
Revolutionary, wearing heart-print bottoms: It’s 2024. Time to be a wholesome whore.
Pussy magnet: Friend just adopted two kittens, they are so cute. They love to sit between my big meaty calves.
Book recommender: It’s about the whole idea of the gym. After break-up, you go there to create physical pain to ease the mental.
Tall, blond man: Sweet, I’ll read it this weekend whenever I start feeling too happy.
A dreamer, gazing at the stars: Would you go to the moon?
European: I wouldn’t even go to fucking Wyoming.
Beleaguered freshman: If you see tear stains on my test, just assume they were tears of joy.
Hot senior, again: What did that mean? Was that like a PewDiePie quote or something?
Hot senior, groping apple: You look like an AI-rendering in the New Colleges.
Beautiful girlfriend: I thought you liked me for my personality.
Realistic boyfriend: It’s okay.
Social chair: I remember when I tore my groin, she was helping me tape it, and I was like you’re taping my fucking balls.
Spanish & Portuguese major: Every matter is homosexual because covalent bonds. I don’t know how I got chemistry involved in this.
Gym-bro: Creatine makes me so bloated.
Gym-bro’s bro: It’s like one of those things if you’re turned on enough you can be into anything.