1. You spend most Friday nights:

A) Avoiding people. Not that you don’t like a lot of the friends you have, but sometimes too many people want to be around you at once—it can be pretty overwhelming!

B) Either out at a restaurant or a party, or some kind of gathering—every once in a while you prefer a more intimate night, either alone or with one or two other people, but no matter the situation you feel like you’re being eaten alive.

C) Depends. When it’s cold out, you sometimes stay inside and cozy up with your own good self, but when it’s warm, it’s fun to be outside, hanging out with friends!

2. When you’re feeling hungry and it’s just around dinnertime, you:

A) Call up one of hundreds of friends of yours who owns a restaurant and ask if they could slip in a reservation for you last minute.

B) Hide under a table and hope to God no one finds you there.

C) Join either a friend or multiple friends for a meal down at the creek—every once in a while it’s nice to eat alone, but a meal is a great time to get closer to a bear!

3. Your perfect date is:

A) Someone who doesn’t care that you’re married.

B) Sweet, mature and ripe.

C) Probably capable of eating humans.

4. Your friend is devastated that a female broke up with him. You:

A) Talk to him about that time you were in No Country for Old Men .

B) Let him put his mouth on your “lentils”—you figure that’s all your good for, anyways.

C) Go out looking for the lady-bear who broke his heart, and then tear her to shreds.

5. When an alien comes down to earth to destroy all of mankind, you:

A) Do your thing.

B) Sit in a bowl.

C) Figure that it’s not really your problem. The humans had it coming.

If you answered mostly A’s…

You are Tommy Lee Jones, not to be confused with the lesser Tommy Lee, Tommy Lee. You have starred in thousands of wonderful classics such as Men in Black, Men in Black II, The Fugitive, Space Cowboys, No Country for Old Men, U.S. Marshals and Tommy Lee Jones Takes Over the World, One Planet at a Time: A Movie That Both Explores the Thrill of Living Life on the Edge Every Second of the Day Like Tommy Lee Jones Does, and also Isn’t Real. You would have been wonderful in “Cinderella,” but because you are a modest actor who likes a challenge, you shy away from playing the simple leading lady (or in this case, Princess!) so you let Hilary Duff have it instead.

If you answered mostly B’s…

You are a Lentil Almond Stir Fry. Not everyone likes eating you, but that never stopped you from existing, or from being made of almonds, lentils, dates, nectar, Greek yogurt, mint leaves, and blood.

If you answered mostly C’s…

You are a bear. You have really hit the jackpot this time, by being a bear, because if you can both read and respond to a quiz while also being a bear, then you’ll have no problem getting a job as a libearian.

This was also a trick quiz that was testing for suicidal tendencies. If, at any point while reading this quiz, or at any other point during the day or night, you contemplate killing yourself, you should call 1-800-SUICIDE, which is the Suicide Prevention Hotline, and/or consider seeking professional help.