- worn my heart on my sleeve
- turned around so fast my butt made a clapping noise
- fallen off
- gooned
- Been a freak
- Matched your freak
- Ordered a bride on doordash
- Been a mail order bride
- Been a weirdo. I don’t fit in, and I don’t… wanna fit in
- listened to radiohead. by myself. fuck my stupid incel life
- Spent $28 on a small snack and a little trinket too
- ran over a rat in my big car once
- Ran over a dog in my little car once
- toked it brother!
- Held space
- Taken up space
- sinned? Idk bruh how do you play this game?
- done sex tourism
- soaked
- Misgendered a dog
- Been adopted by Harry Styles
- Been bought by Harry Styles
- Misgendered Harry Styles
- Sold my child to Harry Styles in exchange for alcohol and cigarettes.
- filled the hole in my head with prescription medication
- Danced. Alone. In my room, just me and the music. And it was beautiful.
- written concubine #2 a letter
- been banksy this whole time!!!!!!
- enjoyed the gentrified burger place
- been thinking about leaving the United States
- Canadian citizenship, now
- cried about the glorious nation of taiwan
- cum all over my hands face and tits
- defected in the name of Mother Russia
- never tipped a waitress. not even once.
- killed a pawnbroker and her pregnant sister to steal a few trinkets
- Never stopped stanning Azealia Banks
- killed two birds with one stone
- gotten stoned with two fly birds
- An absolute monster down there
- the urge to fuck you like an animal
- a lonely heart and a nice rack
- Found a new god: my girlfriend.
- Watched Glee for the plot
- become death, destroyer of worlds
- cum death, destroyer of oppie
- smiled at someone on the subway
- Spilled matcha on my selvedge denim
- coveted my neighbor’s super sexy wife
- and his male and female slaves, his ox and his donkey, and everything that belongs to my neighbor.
- a buttplug in in lecture
- a balloon full of heroin stuffed up my ass
- a baby in my belly
- a fatty
- never in my life yelled at a girl like this. When my mother yells like this it’s because she loves me. I was rooting for you, we were all rooting for you! How dare you! Learn something from this!
- Sodomized
- got with an alum (and liked it)
- decided to accept an offer as an investment banking intern at Goldman Stanley! Thank you to my mentors and family for supporting me in this opportunity
- succumbed to that wind from Challengers that makes you cheat
- scheduled sex on my google calendar
- Considered going along with his “furry thing” just to hit
- a crippling addiction to decongestant nasal sprays. if i dont spray every fifteen minutes i might suffocate
- no faults, and am therefore unrelatable. It’s lonely at the top.
- assumed the identity of a traveling nurse to find a sublet for the summer
- pls take me off this list im not on the nass
- no more patience. PSA for all: you can take yourself off any listserv very easily.
- no more patients. My practice is going under
- No more payshens: lost my dicktchonarie
- Kissed the plump mellow yellow smellow melons of her rump, on each plump melonous hemisphere, in their mellow yellow furrow, with obscure prolonged provocative melonsmellonous oscultation
- Fartid
- shidded my pants
- Been too cute >.<
- had a little of the baptism water to drink
- benjamin button syndrome
- reverse benjamin button syndrome
- a crush on benjamin button
- a strange relationship to benjamin button
- a button on my Benjamin
- a hole in the middle of my tummy what is it
- a benjamin butt
- violated the honor code
- Ate Annie’s Mac and cheese over the sink with my bare hands straight out of the pot because I didn’t want to dirty any dishes and I didn’t have any forks because they were all in the dishwasher and I got cheese all over my hands and my face and my shirt and that shirt is ruined forever now I’ll never get the cheese out of that shirt I loved that shirt just like I loved her and I’ll never have her again
- an oedipus complex
- a reverse oedipus complex
- started a rap career under the name oedipuss
- brought my only son to the top of this mountain what do i do now
- here in my hand a list of 205 members of the Communist Party who nevertheless are still working and shaping policy in the State Department
- Slept with the son and the Holy Ghost, so..
- class at 11 and then something at 12:30 but could def do coffee after we need to catch up!!
- Been a chop h**
- Been a chop HOE
- bought Vogue instead of dinner. I found it fed me more
- just hit the pentagon
- just hit the PEN(TA) and im GONe fr
- Chanced the rapids
- embroiled myself in controversy by tweeting “hitler.penis: the results may surprise you.”
- creativity, uniqueness, nerve, and talent
- Herpes
- Taken off my shoes in my cubicle in Firestone to feel a little freer in a small act against God
- tried and failed to get benzos from CPS